We Need to Seek Purpose, Not Happiness

Mama has often mentioned to me about Man's Search for Meaning, a book by the concentration camp survivor and psychologist Viktor Frankl, and a few days ago I was reading an article and it mentioned it again. I decided it was finally time to read it! It has changed my life, as has the article that led me to read the book! Frankl's whole idea is that man cannot be happy simply by pursuing happiness. To truly be happy and satisfied with our lives, we have to fill a need that is larger than ourselves. The article mentioned that happiness is often focused on getting, while meaning is focused on giving. The article also mentioned that sometimes we can't have all the components of "happiness" when we focus on filling life with meaning (for example, raising children gives great meaning to life, but it can often mean stress and fewer luxuries). However, I know that meaning is deeper and more satisfying than "happiness" (AKA pleasure). Frankl noted that in the concentration camps, he experienced this truth face-to-face. Those who gave up the will to live in those hellish conditions were those who didn't feel that they had something to go back to. Others focused on what they still needed to give to life--to a child or a scientific work, for example--that they alone could fill. He also makes the point that instead of us demanding things from life, we need to see that life (or Heavenly Father, or something bigger than ourselves) demands something of us. We are responsible for what we contribute. This is the path to fulfillment and true, sturdy happiness. I am so excited to change my life!

“To the European, it is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to ‘be happy.’ But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to ‘be happy.’ Once the reason is found, however, one becomes happy automatically. As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation." -Viktor Frankl

I Need Christ in My Life

I was reading Mosiah 17:10 this morning. This is Abinadi's last testimony before he is martyred. He has been bold in his testimony throughout the entire time, proactively calling these wicked men to repent. He says "I will not recall my words." This led me to a train of thought about my own testimony. How can I strengthen it so that I can be as bold as Abinadi, as Paul, as so many of the prophets in the scriptures? I want to work on my testimony of the Savior, and I have been re-realizing that spiritual growth (or any type of growth) normally doesn't come by default. It takes conscious, proactive effort to grow good things. For me, I think it also takes a clear vision of what the end result should look like, to motivate me and help me know when I've succeeded. Some of the specific things I'm going to do to strengthen my testimony are to write down the ways Christ has saved my life, read "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R. Callister, pray for a stronger testimony of it, share it (on here and in person), ask others for their testimonies, and keep a record of the scriptures that testify of it! So this will be my record.

• One of the most practical and meaningful ways that I know that I need Christ in my life is that He has taken away panic attacks from my life. I know that there are a lot of people who have to deal with panic attacks, so I am always excited to share that He helped me through them, and can help them too! I will need to expound on this story later, especially if anyone is interested in knowing more.
• "Wherefore, all mankind were in a lost and in a fallen state, and ever would be save they should rely on this Redeemer." (1 Nephi 1016--Lehi prophesies of Christ)
• "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23)
• "Who can say, I have made my heart clean, I am pure from my sin?" (Proverbs 20:9--We cannot cleanse ourselves from sin without Christ. We also cannot change our hearts or desires without Him.)
• "Surely He has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed." (Mosiah 14:4-5/Isaiah 53:4-5)
• "Surely the most sublime, the lengthiest and most lyrical declaration of the life, death, and atoning sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ is that found in the 53rd chapter of Isaiah, quoted in its entirety in the Book of Mormon by Abinadi as he stood in chains before King Noah" (Elder Holland, Christ and the New Covenant, 89; Book of Mormon Institute Manual, 152)
• "What peace, what comfort this great gift is which comes through the loving grace of Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of all mankind. . . Even though His life was pure and free of sin, He paid the ultimate penalty for sin—yours, mine, and everyone’s who has ever lived. His mental, emotional, and spiritual anguish were so great they caused Him to bleed from every pore (see Luke 22:44; D&C 19:18). And yet Jesus suffered willingly so we might all have the opportunity to be washed clean—through having faith in Him. . . .Without the Atonement of the Lord, none of these blessings would be available to us, and we could not become worthy and prepared to return to dwell in the presence of God” (Elder Ballard, in Conference Report, Apr. 2004, 86–87; or Ensign, May 2004, 84–85; Book of Mormon Institute Manual, 152-153)

Day 4

Goal of the day: memorize more scriptures! This goes along with the Ponderize talk that was so famous this Conference. I read 2 Nephi 4:15--"my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children." So then I thought, I can't teach my children the gospel in a powerful way if I don't know and love the scriptures. I thought about what I could do to love the scriptures more and decided to memorize more of them. I already use Quizlet for my classes, so I figured that I would use it to help me keep track of and memorize more scriptures. Here's the link if anyone wants to join in!

Okay folks, I'm doing a 30-day challenge (AKA until November 21th). I want to have a daily goal from scripture study for a month. This is my third day. My first day was to listen to less Pandora and more Mormon Channel Radio (which has been SO UPLIFTING!). My second day it was to set up some dating rules (which I am still working on, but fully intend to follow through with). Today it's to try to have more dignified speech, in word and thought! Not that it's terrible now, but I want to see what happens if I replace the "dang its" and "shoots" with "oh nos!" and "bothers!" (I'm still trying to find good replacement words...) Also, it just so happens that I have a rubber band bracelet on my wrist...I'm going to use it whenever I catch myself saying those words. I actually did something similar in the MTC--we were supposed to say "elders and sisters" instead of "you guys" (because of the importance of our callings) and it was so hard! But every time I accidentally said it, I would take my shoes off and put them back on. I know, I'm weird. But it worked, I think! So, stay tuned for tomorrow's challenge!

(Also, I have already said "darn it" before I could even post this! And then I said "darn it" because my rubber band bracelet wasn't snapping right! haha. This might be hard...)

How to Improve Your Prayers

The Spirit whispered something important to me about prayer. I realized that I had thought of it as a means to maintain my spiritual status. What Nephi used it for was to help him progress (to have his heart softened, to learn how to build a boat, etc.). Prayer will become more meaningful to me as I use it as a means to ask Heavenly Father what I need to do next to achieve my goals. This is the whole message behind my favorite talk from this Conference! It is "What Lack I Yet?" from Elder Larry R. Lawrence. SO GOOD. Ten minutes well spent. Every step we take towards righteousness will make us happier and happier. I think this was important for me to realize, because often I don't envision myself being happier as I keep more commandments! I normally just envision myself trying to dutifully do it even if I don't want to. But I really am happier whenever I keep another commandment. And that is the way that will encourage us to WANT to keep the commandments. Happiness is a huge incentive--really, it's the reason we do everything we do. Enos hungered AFTER "the joy of the saints...sunk deep into [his] heart." (Enos 1:3)

More insight on how/why to keep the Sabbath day holy!

Wow! Bloggy! You still exist! Things are great here. :) I found a really good article today about keeping the Sabbath day holy. It is a really big focus in the Church. The article highlighted that it's important to see the Sabbath as a day to express your love for Heavenly Father through your actions. So, everyone can show that sign in their own individual way--the article mentioned that some people could do that through joining the ward choir or being early for church. I thought about what I can do to show Heavenly Father my love more fully, and I think it's going to be staying in my church clothes all day, and trying to find a certain amount of names in family history every week. I will start with those things! I'm excited! These are really good breakthroughs. :)

This week has had a lot of other powerful insights, and while I don't want to get too absorbed in writing this (because I need to get started on family history), I do want to write them down so that I don't forget them. One of them was just the underscoring of how important it is to be sincere in prayer. Honestly, lately, I have felt spiritually weak, especially in my prayers.

I went to a devotional on Friday, and the speaker talked about the nature of Heavenly Father.  First of all, it was a huge tender mercy, because I have been praying for SUCH a long time to understand His true character. Without understanding His character, it can be very difficult to want to follow Him or trust Him. The speaker said a simple quote, but it had a huge impact on me: "He's loving, He's kind, He's gentle, He's happy." I wrote that down and put it by my bed, and my understanding of Him is growing and it is so incredible. Finally, I understand what it means to act out of a sense of love. It has been one of the biggest tender mercies in my life! I also learned from the speaker about how to pray more sincerely, as he shared a story about how he prayed. I started to change my prayers so that they were more of a conversation, and super sincere at that. That is the only way prayers can be powerful. I strongly believe that a sincere prayer of "Heavenly Father, I don't want to do what's right right now. Please help me to change that." is more powerful than an insincere, nice-sounding prayer. Sincerity is how we come to truly connect with the Lord, and He wants to hear our honest opinion about every aspect of our lives!

Another prayer that was answered this week was another one that I have been praying for help with for quite a long time, and the inspiration came! I have tried for SO LONG to go to bed on time and always failed. This week, I realized the root problem--I sometimes get to the end of the day and haven't read my scriptures. So, I end up staying up for a long time trying to get a solid scripture study in. The answer turns out to be breaking my scripture study down into five-minute increments, if that's all that I have at the time. Then cumulatively, by the end of the day, I will have read the scriptures! It has totally answered the problem, and for the past few days, I've gone to bed at 10! Also, it helped to learn that we get second wind at 10:30, which is why I always feel awake so late!

My tender mercy today was being able to volunteer at an event today--it was really fun to be that busy and helpful! All the people there were so laid back and nice. That was basically my whole day! Plus I got to see some of my mission friends, so that was fun. I didn't think I'd be able to!

Today I got to spend quite a bit of time studying! I realized that, if affirmations really do attract things into people's lives, then I need to stop saying I don't have enough time. Today I tried to turn that around and envision having time to get all my assignments done early. It was really nice! I am loving all of my classes and teachers. Yaaay

Today's tender mercy was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. :) I was on campus all day today and didn't have time to pack lunch, and they had free PB&Js at the institute, which I found out about by accident! sniff. Also a tender mercy that I'm starting up my goal program again and Mama's going to keep me accountable. Also, the thought that it really helps me to be speedy if I count my time down backwards--for example, I feel like I have a lot of time to get ready for bed in half an hour, but realistically, it takes about ten minutes to get ready for bed, ten minutes to pray, and ten minutes to index and write on here. So...I have zero minutes, and that makes me be more speedy. I'm going to try it out with homework, since I always think I have more time than I do to do it!

Quickly now! My tender mercy today was--although it sounds worldly, perhaps--finding a Jamba Juice. I had just finished a run and had been discouraged, but Heavenly Father gave me that little treat--probably because He knows that I've been missing my fruit. Also, my apartment is getting more lively and cozy. SO NICE. And, Mama's going to keep me accountable to my goals, one of which is five minutes of indexing per day. I've GOT to do it!

Random Nutrition Facts

I am interested in nutrition, and I try to keep track of the little facts I've found, so I figured that I'd share them on here! They may be true or false, but I'll believe it!

-Potato chips have more potassium than a banana. Thus, they would be more helpful for muscle cramps than a banana! Also, apparently avocados have twice as much potassium as bananas.
-Broccoli has more vitamin C than an orange. Tomatoes and broccoli are also a good source of vitamin C. Broccoli also has more calcium than milk and is more easily absorbed.
-Also, I've heard that once you've got a cold, vitamin C doesn't do much. You've got to have it before the virus comes for it to be helpful. So, once you're sick, just try to eat healthy so that your body's natural immune response has an easier time!
-Honey has all the nutrients necessary to sustain life.
-Dairy, sugar, wheat, soy, and even peanut butter can all allegedly make your complexion worse. I definitely know that dairy really does affect (at least my) complexion. There is a direct correlation between the two and I always see the effects really quickly.
-Sugar is addictive--the more you eat it, the more you want to eat. Your brain can become dependent on it for the chemicals it transmits. Also, apparently it can have the same effect on your liver as alcohol. It's important to keep it out of sight and out of mind! Eliminate temptation. I gave up treats for a few months and whenever I have them now they just don't taste as good as fruit! So, lasting chance is possible!
-Water...tastes way better out of a glass bottle, in my opinion. Plus, you don't have to worry about the plastic getting hot.
-I think...the American diet is terrible. Empty calories. That's it. My plan is to have most of my family's meals be Ethiopian food, Thai food, Hispanic food, etc.
-Lemon water is good for balancing your pH level. Sugar and meats put your body in a more acidic state.
-Tomatoes and berries can possibly help against cancer. Food plays a huge role in health! ("Let food be thy medicine." -Hippocrates)
-Protein is more difficult to absorb from meat than from other sources.
-Apparently onions help to detoxify the body.
-Garlic can help to fit against a sore throat/cold. If you mix it with apple cider vinegar and cayenne pepper (diluted) and gargle it...it will hurt. But apparently it helps. haha
-Okay, this is just a life hack--if you've just cut onions, rub your hands against a metal spoon under cold running water and the spoon will absorb the smell! Really!
-My favorite life hack--to get the pit out of the avocado, just quickly put the knife into the pit and twist it out. It's so fun :D (safety first)

I just had the most delicious salad I have ever created...and maybe I only think that because I'm nutrient-deficient...but it seriously is delicious. Black beans, tomatoes, avocado, lime, honey, olive oil, cumin...ohhh that's why. I love Hispanic food...black beans...avocado...lime...cumin. Yep, it all makes sense now.

1. I went to a really good class tonight for returned missionaries and the speaker mentioned that RMs often stop praying as frequently. I realized that I was definitely guilty of that, and the speaker mentioned that we could try to pray every hour. I like the idea! I'm going to try it out.

2. I was also looking for ways to be more effective in my homework since it always takes me SO LONG, and I found a website about how it helps to have specific goals for each study session. Maybe I already do that, but I'm not sure...

3. Another thing I'd like to be better at is retaining the information I learn, so I Googled that and found a really good article! The author said:
"Listening or reading something is just listening or reading.It’s not real learning.
Real learning comes from making mistakes.
And mistakes come from implementation.
And that’s how you retain 90% of everything you learn."

So basically, it's like BYU-Idaho's Learning Model--you have to teach other people in order to really learn. When you teach, you make mistakes, which makes you have to concentrate. Really, it makes you into an active, concentrated learner instead of a passive listener. I like it! I think I'll try to make my own private blog where I teach what I learn in my classes.

4. One of the biggest tender mercies today was having the inspiration to examine my thoughts. I've been feeling super overwhelmed and discouraged lately with decision-making, and it really helped me to remember that I can tell myself the truth about things. For example, I will admit that my room was kind of messy this morning, which contributed to feeling overwhelmed. So I thought to myself, "I have five minutes. I can give five minutes to clean up." The power to change your life by what you tell yourself is one of my favorite principles! It has helped me to have better scripture study, and I'm excited to apply it to every area of my life.

5. Speaking of principles, one of my Education Week classes today was about how powerful principles are in helping us make decisions. They apply across every situation, and the scriptures are full of them. He mentioned that blessings we receive are full of principles, so even if we don't receive a direct answer, we can receive something more useful--principles that will apply to not only that moment, but every circumstance. Hopefully it's okay that I'm sharing these insights...

1. I had really good insights about creating my vision yesterday. I need to ask myself questions that help me fill in the details about my goals. That makes for powerful planning!

2. Man, this article is SO GOOD! Every time I hear it I get something new out of it!

3. A note in my scriptures reminded me that one way out of spiritual sloughs is to pray sincerely, even if that prayer is only "I really don't want to do this. Please help me to not feel that way."

4. I've got good friends! Great friends!

5. Mama's so good to me, even when I'm distraught and grumpy because I'm the most indecisive person in the world. She is endlessly kind. love love

6. I asked her tonight what she thinks Heavenly Father's character is. For some reason, it has been difficult for me to understand His true character. She gave me the perfect example of an older man we know who helps her see who Heavenly Father is--everything good.

7. This awesome quote: "To those who feel defeated and downtrodden, look to the early hours of the day for your rescue." (Elder Russell M. Nelson)

8. And this fact about grades--the later we wake up, the worse our GPAs get. (from this article)

9. The article also explains that the commandment to go to bed early is a simple command--so simple that we might dismiss it, like the children of Israel when they were bitten by snakes.

Man, today has been weird, namely because...I'm not sure why. DECISIONS

Tender mercies:

1. I got to go to the temple today!

2. I had some fun text conversations

3. This weird mindset I'm in today has made me a little bit more sassy...which is good? Sure

4. This is why I shouldn't go to bed at 3:30 am

5. Insight: big things are just made up of a lot of little small things. That makes things less intimidating.

6. Neiler moved our furniture around today, so now it looks more like a room and there IS more room! yaaaay

7. I found my salad dressing: hummus. That sentence probably makes no sense.

8. Oh, and I hiked Ensign Peak today! Check that off the bucket list. I was going to run up it, which I did...for fifteen feet...then I realized that I can't run up 30- and 45-degree hills. #InShape

Today was fun :) I realized today that maybe sometimes I assume that Heavenly Father doesn't want to give something to me, when really, He is willing to do so!

1. Alastair, the institute choir group, and I watched a meteor shower tonight at Emigration Canyon! We had our own little dance party listening to "A Sky Full of Stars"--what could be more fitting, I ask you! And I made a friend there, named Todd. We're going to watch Princess Bride on Friday! Yaaay

2. A guy from the group sent Aly a text that I wasn't supposed to read, about how he thought I was cute...unfortunately for him, I had Aly's phone in my hand when he sent the message...so I saw it. hahaha. I bet Heavenly Father sets some things up just so that we can laugh sometimes.

3. I figured out some more details for housing tonight, and got the grade I needed for one of my occupational therapy prereq classes!

4. One of my favorite parts of today was making burritos and passing them out to people on the streets. I just love how down-to-earth people are! If I was staying longer, I would definitely want to keep doing that.

This is my 300th post of all time--hey-o

Yis. :) Today was good! My tender mercies of the day...

1. I ran up to the university today! It was kind of a tough run, but it was a highlight of my day.

2. After that, we dropped the Mama off to work, and I met one of her coworkers, who mentioned a field of study that I want to get into, with using the Montessori method with the elderly!

3. Papa and I had a good discussion about goals and visualizing today. I also had the good insight that if I want my dreams and goals to be really vivid and detailed, I need to ask myself questions.

4. I got to go to a school that I applied to, to take a math placement test...oh man, it's been like three years since I've had a math class. The whole time, I was remembering all these things I had forgotten about! haha

5. I got to go dancing with one of my friends tonight--even though I'm not super good, it is fun to be able to do some of the steps. I'm so blessed! This entire summer has been so incredible. I was thinking about all the fun things that have happened. Even with dancing--I've gotten to dance several different times. One of my favorite parts: a country dance instructor asked me if I wanted to do a cool move...and then all of a sudden I was upside down with my feet in the air. hahaha, SO FUN :D I wish I had kept a better record of all of these incredible things!

6. I finally got a planner again. Yaaay, now I'll know what day it is. haha DON'T JUDGE ME

MY LIFE IS SO GOOOOOOD

Bloggy...I need to be better at thissss...seriously, I only have three goals right now: go to bed at 10, don't eat sugar, and keep up on my tender mercy journal...and of course those three goals always somehow stretch into ten goals...but that's unrelated. Right? I am going to listen to "Filled with Life and Energy" every day until I can just understand how important it is to go to bed early! Seriously--it's a practical way to follow the Savior--He arose early, and Church leaders do too. OKAY. Tender mercies!

1. We got to go to church in Utah! I am so glad to be back. I have missed it here!

2. I ended up going to my friend's ward. It was good to see him again--he's a good example to me of a valiant man! I am so grateful for those examples who give me a vision of how I can be better.

3. My scripture study tonight was what I needed--it's been a bit off lately, but I think I've found a higher plane of scripture study, and I'm grateful to see the progress that has come from that revelation!

4. Little Baby Beluga is getting more smiley when I hold her--it's SO CUTE! :D She's especially happy in the morning. I looove her

5. I ran into my old roommate at the temple after my brother's sealing! I forgot she was going to be there!

6. This is my favorite quote of all time from the General Authorities and I'm trying to memorize it: "Prayer can solve more problems, alleviate more suffering, prevent more transgression, and bring about greater peace and contentment to the soul than can be obtained in any other way." (President Monson) I needed that.

7. My brother's wedding was SO GOOD!!! I am SO happy for him. He has waited so long to find the girl of his dreams, and she's finally HERE! It was the happiest day ever. Everything was perfect. Including the delicious Ethiopian food and "Miracles" by Coldplay playing through my mind the entire day--perfect background music.

8. Okay, so my double-timing here is to listen to "Filled with Life and Energy" while I write this every night. That gives me eleven good minutes to write and then I'm done, plus subconscious learning about the importance of sleep! It's just so hard to stop when there are so many important things to share! This blog has basically become my journal--which is good, because I record the best parts of every day, and it's the only record I keep. (I'll find a better system) But it can undermine my other goal if I take too long. OKAY I'M DONE

9. EFY music--heart heart

Welp bloggy, here I am, almost 12 hours later...perhaps at the same gate I started off at this morning. I NEED TO GET BACK!! I'm on standby, so I can't complain. I will tell you--never try to travel from Europe in August. DO YOU HEAR ME--because then, if you don't, I might be able to actually get back. :) Seriously, today has been crazy--it was a wise move to wear my running shoes today. The thing I realized last night was SUPER IMPORTANT--I need to have respect when I talk to myself and know that no matter what other people think of me, I still love myself and I'm rooting for myself. I was nice to myself today and I was totally different because of it--freed. And last night, before I went to bed, I told myself "I love you." And it was incredible. I finally felt like I wasn't on the defensive, because I didn't have to worry about a voice in the back of my mind criticizing me. I let myself reach out to others because I wasn't afraid of them declaring that I don't have any worth, or maybe even more, myself thinking they were thinking that. It was liberating. I'm pretty tired now, but HOPEFULLY I get on this flight! PLEASE! Also, I have this theory that how people speak to those they feel most comfortable around is a mirror of how they speak to themselves. I think it's pretty accurate--as do most people with theories. :)
_____________

Update: I made it on! TENDER MERCY! I was tearing up on the way to the plane, and I didn't want to believe it until the plane was off the ground. I think once I was on the plane I even had a vague dream about not actually making it on. haha. But I'm here! On US soil!

hahaha--so, I'm still stuck here at the airport in London, and that's not funny, but something funny did just happen. A gate agent came out and made a final call for a girl, and she was on the moving sidewalk that was going past the gate and she threw her bag out of the walkway and started trying to climb OVER the railing of moving walkway to get to the gate. hahaha, the agent told her to just get to the end of the walkway and walk back #DespyTotesDespy

Tender mercies...
1. As I had been thinking about the validity of spiritual creation, one of the talks that popped on to my iPod during my run was by Elder Bednar, about how Heavenly Father creates everything spiritually before physically! So it reaffirmed me. :)
2. I have come to cherish the time before I fall asleep as my spiritual creation time. Or maybe my awake dreaming, as opposed to my asleep dreaming. It's been so great! I've realized that I need to dream more often so I can know where I'm going! For example, I realized that my dream job (before my career) would probably be as an occupational therapy aide in a retirement center. I think those thoughts became part of my subconscious as well, as I dreamed about working. (Also, have I been writing more British-ly lately? I feel like I have. Indubitably, Watson.)
3. I had a great time reading Doodah's life story with him. So interesting!
4. My grandparents had a visitor stay last night and it was fun to have someone else here. The more the merrier!
5. I finally got to go on a run! It was beautiful. So nice to be in the countryside.
6. One of my favorite tender mercies was the thought that I should try to do at least 15 minutes of non-urgent homework before I do the urgent homework for the day. That way, hopefully, I can actually get ahead in my classes instead of just getting by.
7. I got to call Parker and Roger last night. Two of my closest friends. :) It was great to get in contact with them again after a week. Usually it's about every day!

Hi bloggy. I'm a little bit discouraged right now. I feel like I've been kind of inundated with thoughts of how to truly change lately, and it's overwhelming. Underlying all these tactics lies a question that I've had for a while now: is it truly possible to change my character for good? It's been discouraging to see myself progress for a few days, only to crash and burn in my progress a few days later or get distracted. I'm just hoping it won't take constant effort for everything I hope to change--I would like these things to become part of who I am, not just actions I waveringly make. Deep down, I know that true change is possible--the scriptures are full of examples. But I would like to be able to feel like I can harness the power to help bring that change about. I would like to feel the hope of the enabling power of the Atonement in my daily efforts. It is hard for me to want to put forth effort if it feels like it's not going to stick. Anyways. I'll feel better in the morning, but the question will still remain. I'll be looking.

How I saw the Lord's hand today (and yesterday):
1. I got to read part of my grandpa's life story with him yesterday--he loved it and it was good bonding time, which is nice, because we are all kind of introverted creatures here and I was worrying about spending my time bonding here.
2. Despite the fact that I was stressing out during my entire test today, I got a good score! I was discouraged and fuzzy-brained the whole time, but Heavenly Father helped me out.
3. I realized how harmful some household and makeup products can be, and became a little bit more willing to accept natural products. It'll be a task, but as the author of ablogaboutlove.com put it, if small amounts of food (like the hormones in dairy and meat) can affect us drastically (in my case with dairy, it is the sole culprit in my lack of clear skin), what are the small (and large) amounts of chemicals we surround ourselves with doing to us? So, I'm willing to look into it.
4. Yellow flowers from the garden yesterday, yellow bracelet today (99 pence!)
5. My grandma has the book "The Secret," and I agree with a lot of it (but not all). I'm trying to figure out what the balance is between mental manifestation/creation and plain effort. I think there is a place for both. Mental/spiritual creation gives you a clear destination (and in several cases, I have seen it play a role in bringing about things I didn't think were possible), but you've got to have the actions to back it up. I think that the parable of the seed in Alma 32 could be the answer to my question of true change. I was led to it a few days ago. It's not enough to know that a goal is good. We've then got to act on it until we harvest the fruit. I do hope and believe that Heavenly Father will respect and regard every effort we make to change, and that no effort is wasted. I really hope so. And spiritual creation--I've got a lot of thoughts on it. I think, what's the harm in dreaming, even if it isn't sufficient? And what is lost if we don't dream? A lot. I often think, if I can't even imagine myself accomplishing something, how do I expect myself to take the actions to accomplish it? Spiritual creation gives us the faith and guidance that we can achieve things. It only takes a moment to dream/visualize, so nothing is lost, but there's a lot to be gained, as long as we back those thoughts up with actions. I think it also has the power of helping us formulate an actual plan. As for action plans, I've seen lately that we have habits for a reason. If we want to change our habits, we've either got to see why it's important or change what we're doing so that it's easier to keep the new habit than the old one. We hold on to our habits because of our needs. We've got to recognize the need behind the habit, like that Guardian article pointed out.

Goal: I went to bed at 10 again...and woke up around 2:30 #NailedIt. So I read the Screwtape Letters for a few hours and finally fell asleep when the sun rose...I don't know why that made me tired, but it worked!

The Lord's hand:
1. I got a ride to church!
2. It can be discouraging to think I can accomplish a huge change in my character. Heavenly Father reminded me: "Of course I can accomplish this! I have the Atonement!" I think sometimes I think it all comes down to willpower. If the Savior was able to help me overcome panic attacks and irrational fears, He can help me overcome any of my weaknesses. He knows how. The Atonement will not fail me in this.
3. I really am excited about this dating fast...
4. I came to understand vulnerability today. It's letting myself be myself. And I'm excited to do it. I'm excited to be myself. I tried it today and IT WAS SO FUN :D It is so nice to let my real self stretch instead of cramming her into the nearest trash can.
5. Among other things, being led to ablogaboutlove.com reinforced the importance of looking after myself physically so I can be in balance emotionally, smiling even when I don't feel like it, and even something as small as surrounding myself by the color yellow. I actually had that thought yesterday, when England was gray and my room was cold--"I need to wear something yellow or red." (Unfortunately, almost everything I packed is a variation of blue...I'm going to do some DI searching when I get home, yes I am yes I am.) But after reading that, I stole the yellow sheet off of one of the beds here to put on my bed, gathered together a stack of yellow books for the table, found some yellow flowers and leaves for my nightstand, and put a yellow post-it note on my bland gray notebook that now says "smile every day". Overboard? Not on your life :)
6. HUGE prayer answered (coming to love myself)--One of THE most important insights I gained today was being led to ablogaboutlove.com. Because of that, I am fighting against the constant barrage of negative self-talk I tell myself every day. I realized that if there was a pie chart of all my self-talk, there would be a meager slice for self-love. Most of the time it's "that was selfish," or "you need to work harder," etc. And while I should be working on all those things, I do not want to base even my self-worth on my actions, because, you know what? I am an unstable, fallible human being. I will never be perfect in this life, and there are a million things I need to do better. And I make a mental note of all of them. All day. Every day. So the thought that came to me (and made me cry!) that whenever I think to myself "Man, I'm so selfish," I finish the sentence with "and you know what? God still loves me, no matter what." I'll write it down a thousand times a day if I need to. If I could understand that one sentence, my life would be changed forever. I am praying and pleading that the Atonement can help me to please understand that. I am tired of self-loathing. It's time for some much needed self-loving. Please please please. I'm crying it up over here right now, harder than I have in a while, thinking about how He loves me and has always loved me. And even though I'm a big slobbery mess right now, He still loves me. This is one of the most important lessons I can ever ever learn. This is the tender mercy of my week, and will be one of the biggest tender mercies of my entire life.

Bloggy, I'm giving up dating. Not giving up on dating. But I'm going on a dating fast. Not to say I'll turn dates down, but I'm not going to actively pursue it. Why? Because there's something else I have to pursue first. I realized that I'm really not prepared to date anyone. I have based my worth on what others think, and that is not fair to the other person or myself. It is a false hope. To give you some insight to my decision, may I introduce you to one of the greatest tender mercies of my life? ablogaboutlove.com. It has given me some of the most important realizations of my life: steps to vulnerability here here and here, independent happiness (even if your life is falling to pieces, like hers was when she began her journey), unshakable worth--all the things I'm going to now direct my attention to, for my future family's sake. May I share one of the most true-to-me writings I found on there? I was nodding the entire time.

”Self-worth is soooo crucial in dating.  Oh my goodness.  Please, please...if you are struggling with this, tackle it head on.  Try to overcome this.  It will help you tremendously as you date and try to decide who to marry one day.  Without self-worth, it's easy to feel a little desperate.  It's easy to look past major red flags in a relationship simply because you want so desperately to be loved.  Without self-worth, it's easy to get yourself into some pickles.  It's easy to stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons.  It's easy to latch on to anyone who throws you a bone.  It's easy to think that you won't be WHOLE until you find a partner or a spouse.  It's easy to feel as though finding a partner is the only thing that matters, and that life is really in a holding pattern until you meet 'the one' who will make everything feel complete.  I hope you can see how detrimental this can be in a relationship.  Someone with low self-worth often demands that their partner make them whole; they rely on someone else to provide them with happiness.  Oh dear.  This thinking is NOT HEALTHY.  This will not lead to a healthy relationship.  This will lead to one big roller coaster.”

She knows my LIFEEEE! Because she's been there, and further. Her story is incredible. I figure Heavenly Father can hold off on me finding my future husband until I get things figured out. I realized I was getting into a frenzy thinking that my time is "running out" for marriage...I'm 23. Yes, this is the age of marriage and family, but I also have a specific timetable, and I feel completely unprepared for marriage and family right now. So (ironically enough) not dating is one step of how I'm preparing. Read ablogaboutlove.com! It will change your life!

Oh, and dating, I'll be back, don't you worry. But I'll be a different person.

Optimism

Some good quotes about optimism from goodreads.com:

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” 
― Dr. Seuss

"... make your optimism come true."
-- Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

“For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use to be anything else.” 
― Winston S. Churchill

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.” 
― Noam Chomsky

And some excellent quotes by Elder Maxwell and Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

"No love is ever wasted. Its worth does not lie in reciprocity. " 
— Neal A. Maxwell

“Think about your particular assignment at this time in your life. It may be to get an education, it may be to rear children, it may be to be a grandparent, it may be to care for an relieve the suffering of someone you love, it may be to do a job in the most excellent way possible, it may be to support someone who has a difficult assignment of their own. Our assignments are varied and they change from time to time. Don't take them lightly. Give them your full heart and energy. Do them with enthusiasm. Do whatever you have to do this week with your whole heart and soul. To do less than this will leave you with an empty feeling.” 
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley, Small and Simple Things

"We give our lives to that which we give our time."

"I have learned that it is very difficult, if not impossible, to unclutter one’s life by starting at the top of the pile with the idea that the solution is to just get things sorted and better organized. It is nice to get better organized, but that is not enough. Much has to be discarded. We must actually get rid of it. To do this we need to develop a list of basics, a list of those things that are indispensable to our mortal welfare and happiness and our eternal salvation. This list must follow the gospel pattern and contain the elements needed for our sanctification and perfection. It must be the product of inspiration and prayerful judgment between the things we really need and the things we just want. It should separate need from greed. It must be our best understanding of those things that are important as opposed to those things that are just interesting. It should have nothing to do with trying to stay in the fast lane."

"We need to examine all the ways we use our time: our work, our ambitions, our affiliations, and the habits that drive our actions. As we make such a study, we will be able to better understand what we should really be spending our time doing."

"To work is a commandment from God. It is the pattern for the happiness of individuals and the family and is the strength of both the Church and society."
-Elder William R. Bradford, "Unclutter Your Life"

Okay bloggy, here goes. Tender mercy update! So, how many tender mercies happened after 7:30 last night? Approximately 25 pages worth! Seriously, it was crazy.

1. prayer answered--I was able to go to bed at 10:00! So check check for that. Total thus far: 1. #success

2. Also, I just added up how many miles I've run over the past eleven weeks...and I think a celebration is in order. :)

3. prayer answered (help to feel happier and more in control)--As for the 25 pages...so, last night, the thought came to me that, really, the thing that defines if I'll sustain a habit or not is if 1) it seems like the best or easiest way or 2) I understand the importance or merit of it. For example, I keep trying to eat healthy because that food tastes better to me than unhealthy food now. If it didn't...I probably wouldn't keep it up. So, excited by that thought, ideas for how to make better habits just flooded me when I woke up around 1:30. (Probably because of the time zone difference) And...I didn't fall asleep until at least 5:00 am.Thus, I did not keep my 6:00 wake-up time! But I did gain 25 pages of inspiration. Granted, those were written the dark, so it would probably only add up to 10 small pages, and a lot of my thoughts were about small habits, but still. SO MUCH INSPIRATION.

How I've seen the Lord's hand in my life today:
1. prayer answered (help to feel less overwhelmed and happier)--an hour or two later, the inspiration came that what I'm eating has a huge effect on my mood.
2. prayer answered (help to feel less overwhelmed and happier)--remembering that the best way to overcome misbeliefs is through counteracting them right when they come--it's good to proactively create positive beliefs, but you've also got to replace the weeds when they do pop up. The term "misbeliefs" comes from the book Telling Yourself the Truth: Find Your Way Out of Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Anger, and Other Common Problems by Applying the Principles of Misbelief Therapy by William Backus. It is one of the most life-changing books I have ever read. I am grateful every day that Heavenly Father led me to it and I think everyone should read it!
3. Finding a pretty little barrette for one pound! Just because Heavenly Father loves me :')
4. prayer answered (seeing any instances where my efforts have made lasting change instead of surface change)--Realizing the (hopefully) lasting effect that cutting sugar (mostly) out of my life has had--even though I'm surrounded by the English foods I used to adore, they're not as appetizing to me now, because I've found something better--fresh food! We got some at the store today. Who knew that I'd ever be so excited for apples! I didn't even like apples before!
5. the thought that I can just make sharing tender mercies part of my scripture study so I don't forget to do it! ...now I just have to remember to do that. haha
6. Oh, also, I was led to a free 10K training plan! The ones I've seen before cost a lot.
7. Also, this was just cute and I didn't want to forget it. I asked my grandpa how he was doing, and he said (in his British accent): "Very well! Disgustingly well!" hahaha, I've never heard it put that way before, but maybe I'll start saying it and pass on the tradition.
8. prayer answered (to know that my efforts will make a lasting change)--I had the thought to really test it out with one or two things. That's the only way I'll really know. I would like to try this with both thoughts and actions. Last semester, I tried it with thoughts by thinking "It's not the end of the world" to help me not get upset with little things as easily. It definitely worked! I think that it's had a lasting effect on me...I think that in general, I don't get as upset as easily? At least, I hope so. So, with thoughts, I'd like to work for about ten weeks on repeating one thought to myself when misbeliefs arrive. It will be related to self-discipline: "I'll feel better once I do it." I think that will be a super important one.
As for actions, the one I'd like to work on consistently for about ten weeks (the 21-day rule is "poppycock and horsefeathers," according to the Guardian) is going to bed at 10 am and waking up at 6 am. While I'm looking at it, this article by the Guardian also points out some other important things: it's false to think that if you miss a day in retraining habits, that you've lost all your progress. That makes it harder to get back up. Also, habits are supposed to be hard to break--that's the point of habits. Also also, the article mentions that we need to look at if the habit is there to try to fill a need. If we also address the need, it will be much easier to break the habit. I also found out a few days ago that it's often hard to change our habits because the part of the brain that is in charge of habits, emotions, and memories (the basal ganglia) is different from the part of the brain that's in charge of decision-making (the prefrontal cortex). So, when you first start to change a habit, the basal ganglia sends signals that you're doing something wrong. (This thought is from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, as mentioned in this Forbes article.)
9. Another thought...perhaps I will keep track of my goals when I update this every day. It's worth a shot, eh? SO. My finish line will be October 3...actually, I've decided I don't like to think of my goals that way, because it makes me more daunted. Like "really? Do I think I can keep it up that long?" Instead, I'll try to get...100 days altogether. (That way, I think to myself "Okay, I've kept it up for three days so far. I want my max to be at least four.") So, every day I keep it will be a success, not a potential failure. Yes? No? Extending my comfort zone/limit has been one of the only ways I've succeeded in growing so far, so I think yes.

Man, look at that! At least nine ways Heavenly Father has been aware of me today! And it's not even 7:30! Also, I think I like numbering these...it helps me see the multitude of blessings.

Also, self, when you're feeling discouraged or hopeless...look at your plate. I just remembered that there's an absolute correlation between what you eat and how you feel. I've felt a little bit down the past few days and I believe Heavenly Father just sent me a reminder. I have not been eating very well the past few days. I've GOT to start packing my own meals when I travel. (Plus getting a good sleeping schedule! So important. SO important.)

I was studying about how quickly we forget the Lord, and I realized that I have fallen into that trap. It's really easy to do when things are going well! President Eyring put it really well:

"Dependence upon God can fade quickly when prayers are answered. And when the trouble lessens, so do the prayers. The Book of Mormon repeats that sad story over and over again”

I realized that I need to take time to recognize the Lord's hand, especially when things are going well. Hopefully I can come to understand how important it is to do it every day and make a way to make it happen.

I definitely saw the Lord's hand yesterday, as I miraculously made it on time to the airport (which was actually the day before, but traveling and time zones confuse me, so I'll just consider all my flights one day) and somehow ended up getting all the right trains to my grandparents' house. :) I woke up with only a little bit of time to throw everything together, but it all worked and Aly was able to give me a ride (even though I did not plan at all). I got a flight to Atlanta--probably one of the last seats, as it was standby. I got to my connecting flight to England JUST in time (they were calling for final boarding, even though I thought I had more time). I got to sit next to some fun people who became like my traveling parents for the trip. I think one of the biggest tender mercies was having the sudden inspiration about what it takes to love yourself. I realized that it's impossible to love your life when you don't love yourself. It is required for happiness. You just have to hush the voice inside your mind that constantly tells you that you're not enough. That can be quite a task, which is why I need to pray. Once I got to England, I got through customs quicker than I ever have. My next obstacle was getting the right trains. My credit card was denied because I was out of the country and there wasn't anywhere to pay cash, but there was a nice Russian lady having the same problem and we were able to help each other find a place. For the short window of time on one train, they had free WiFi, which allowed me to unlock my credit card, which turned out to be necessary for the next trains, as I didn't have enough in cash to buy the next tickets. I'm sure if I had needed to, there would have been another way of exchanging dollars for pounds or getting a different kind of ticket or if I really needed, to ask a kindly stranger for the four extra pounds I lacked, but I'm grateful that Heavenly Father let me have that experience so that I could recognize that He was helping me. And now I'm in England! Everything worked out. It was less than a week ago that I felt that now was the time to come, and everything worked out, even when I didn't think it would. It was also a blessing that I wasn't as stressed about it as I could have been.

I saw the Lord's hand today by helping me get to the temple. I had a lot of good insights while I was there! One of them was to try to extend my comfort zone in different areas every day (physical, mental, spiritual, etc.). It's nice to have goals to guide the day (the new standard of excellence, you could say). I have really felt the power of trying to extend my comfort zone--I've achieved more growth lately than I feel like I have before! And I also believe that there is little room to coast in life--if I'm not progressing, I'm more than likely regressing. That's why this idea of daily goals in different areas is good, because hopefully it'll help me to stay focused day by day.

Man, I am so in love with C.S. Lewis' writings--they are so profound and penetrating. I would love to read all of his books once I finish The Screwtape Letters. Here's a quote from Mere Christianity that I just found: "To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?"

I forgot that this talk existed! It was such a strength to me on my mission. It's called "The Great and Wonderful Love" by Elder Anthony D. Perkins--it's all about recognizing Heavenly Father's love for us, despite our weaknesses. Here are some quotes from it.

"Consider three examples of how Lucifer is 'laying traps and snares to catch the holy ones of God.'...The snare of false inadequacy....The snare of exaggerated imperfection...The snare of needless guilt."

"God the Father is merciful and has infinite love for you despite your faults. Only the voice of Satan will cause you to feel of no value. In contrast, the Holy Ghost will cause you to feel 'godly sorrow' 10 unto repentance in a manner that fills you with hope of positive change."

"Doubt, fear, and worry indicate we have taken all of life’s burdens and anxieties on ourselves."

"You will experience greater joy in life as you eradicate adult-onset pessimism and substitute childlike optimism. Optimism is a virtue that allows us to see God’s loving hand in the details of our life."

I saw the Lord's hand today by being guided to things that will help me become more of who I'd like to be.

Also, I have been working on my calligraphy, which is just a fun hobby! I've never chased a hobby this hard before, so it's fun to get really into it and see progress quickly.

And Heavenly Father helped me get my job shadow today--the last of the three required. It has been a tender mercy to be led to all of them!

Also, I had a thought today about Heavenly Father's character. I feel like I'm starting to come to understand it better, which is a huge tender mercy.

How I saw the Lord's hand today:
-Okay, a lot of ways, actually! First, a big tender mercy lately has been found in expanding my hobbies. It's just really fun to see progress in something and be able to put effort into it. It's one of those things that builds self-esteem in a righteous way.
-Heavenly Father has led me to a lot of little things I can do that will help me--for example, like covering up the mirrors. Another idea He gave me was to wear my sports watch during the day and set timers. Also, to think of my schoolwork like a job--I can't show up late or take breaks early at work, or in homework. It was really nice today.
-My church history class had some good insights today--the greatest generation is the one that is striving to strengthen the next generation. That needs to be my focus. The other insight was about how the Lord takes us from where we are to where we can be. He works with us right here, right now.
-A reminder that progress only comes when we start with prayer.
-I sat down for a minute today and thought about who I really want to be. I realized today that I want to go back to who I was in high school and college before my mission. Back then, I feel like I focused on the gospel more and was also able to have fun and joke around a lot. I want to be that girl again! Yeppers.
-It's bedtime. Almost.
-Oh! Lastly! The most important thing from today was being led to a quote from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. It is all about the adversary convincing us that when we come down from a high spiritual peak, our valiance was a bit "excessive" and it was just a phase, not a lifestyle. So perfect for me right now.
-And then I found this OTHER super good quote from it: "When they have really learned to love their neighbors as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbors." I love love that quote, and I completely believe it. We cannot have true self-esteem if we know we're not treating others well.

How I saw the Lord's hand today:

-He helped me reach my goal of waking up on time

-rides all worked out for everyone getting where they needed to go (including to my mission president's homecoming!)

-I've gotten to see a lot of different groups of friends lately--mission, high school, college

-I got to see some friends from church today, even though I had to go to different hours of church

-we got to do homemade family dinner together, which I feel like we haven't done in a while

-family Skype! always a tender mercy--every time we get together or pray or study it adds a layer of strength to our armors (in the words of Elder Perry)

-I even got to practice piano for a while, which was a goal I had!

-I got asked out by a nice boy today, which is nice, because I'm trying to diversify :)

I'm trying out different styles of noticing the Lord's hand. I just want it to be effective.

Alastair suggested that I watch the Scriptures Legacy on lds.org. It's about the importance of the scriptures and how many people have sacrificed to bring them to us. He's right, it is definitely worth the 22 minutes! Watch it here.

My tender mercy today was getting voracious with the family history. IT WAS CRAZYYY

I set a goal to push myself and see how many family names I could find, and it feels so good to have a new record! I know that's not what it's all about, but it definitely was motivation to help me find those names. It feels even better to know that I am helping those on the other side! Finally! I have been slacking for so long!

"The dignity and self-esteem that honest work produces are essential to happiness" -Elder L. Tom Perry, "The University of Mortality," BYU Devotionals 1988

“If you go to bed at 10:00 and get up by 6:00 a.m., things will work out for you.” -President Hinckley

I love how specific this counsel is!

My answer to prayer today was being able to go to the temple today! Although I was a tired little monkey, it was so good to be there. And I think it was the earliest session I've gone to yet. It's been a tender mercy to wake up so early lately, because it feels great to already have a lot done by noon. I think that those early morning hours are some of my favorite times of the day. I'm really hoping that arising early can just become part of our family tradition. It is such a powerful time. Speaking of early...I need to go to bed.

Mama's tender mercy was us taking a tour of a college today and Alastair feeling excited about it! He hadn't thought of going there before (the tour was more for me), but by the end he was considering it and excited about it. Go Aly go :D

Tender mercy of the day: well, first of all, institute choir and ultimate frisbee afterwards was so fun :D But the tender mercy within the tender mercy was when we were playing, one of the guys randomly said, "Suzy, this might sound weird, but every time I block you, you smell so good!" and then later, another guy said "He's right, you do smell good!" haha

Oh! My answer to prayer from yesterday was SO GOOD--I read a really good article in the Ensign about the power of going to bed early and waking up early, and it inspired me! So, 10 pm bedtime. 6 am wake-up time. #excited

Alastair's tender mercy today was asking a girl out on a date! Way to open thy mouth, Aly! haha

I want to be real for a minute...well, forever, but especially real right now. I went to a really good fireside on Sunday about how the world has made women feel so paranoid about being beautiful enough. I've been thinking about that concept a lot since then, and I am so aware that I fall into that trap. And I'm tired of it! It takes up way too much time and energy, and it is a "thirst" can never be filled. Actually, I've been thinking about how I've had kind of an addictive personality with a few different things. Nothing terrible, but things like blaring music, sugar, and Facebook--things that I always come away from feeling worse. They were thirsts that were never filled, because "you can never get enough of the things you don't need" (Elder Groberg). And I have learned important things from it: like many addictions, I have to 1) stop talking about/thinking about/doing those things, so that the neural pathways in my brain are not being fed as much ("Which wolf will you feed?" sort of mindset), and 2) replace those things with something better. It is a super effective formula. If you're going to pull out weeds, you have to replace them with flowers. I'll give you an example: before, I loved cranking the radio while I drove. After a while though, I recognized that there were a lot of inappropriate songs and messages. I wanted to overcome it, but didn't see how I could. However, I started listening to church music in the car or just singing Primary songs, I filled my iTunes with only church music, I've started listening to Conference talks while I run, and I hardly ever want to listen to worldly music anymore. I LOVE listening to my iTunes--why? I ALWAYS feel better after listening to it. I feel like my desire has literally changed. I hope it lasts forever. The same is true in the case of sugar! My mission president's wife gave up sugar, as did my dad, and that led me to decide that I was going to try it out too. I found out that the more sugar you eat, the more you want sugar. That helped me stop. So, I stopped eating it cold turkey (food puns), and I replaced it with A LOT of fruit. haha. Now, a few months later (when I have occasionally given in to a sugar craving), I recognize how bad it makes me feel, and now it doesn't taste as good to me as fruit does.

So. That was a really long paragraph! But. I want to stop feeding my cravings of trying to be "beautiful enough." And I think I have found something to replace it with! Elder Lynn G. Robbins made the point that we are the most beautiful when we have the Lord's image in our countenances. That comes through actions that I can control, whereas there is only so much I can do to enhance my physical beauty! And it is so true that much about beauty is based on who we truly are. It's amazing how a kind personality and a happy outlook make someone so much more attractive! As Elder Robbins says, "one of the discoveries that our Father in Heaven would have us make is to learn that we have far more control over our happiness than we sometimes think we do."

"Men who saw no beauty in our Savior may also not see your beauty. But men of Christ, acquainted with His grief, will come to love you and say, ‘She is the most beautiful of all.’" (Beauty Tips, Sheralee Bills)

Also, this sounds crazy, but I feel like it was inspiration specifically for me...today I started covering up my mirrors when I'm not using them...and it makes me so happy :D

Alastair's tender mercy was finding a music-making app! He recorded two of his songs on it today.

My tender mercy was my scripture study today! And going to a baseball game for family home evening.

Mama's was Alastair being willing to give her a blessing.

"Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles linked preaching and healing together when he taught that gospel teaching has the potential to heal the soul: “This is what Matthew says: ‘And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people’ (Matthew 4:23; emphasis added). “Now, the teaching and the preaching we know and would expect. But we may not be quite as prepared to see healing in the same way. Yet from this earliest beginning, from the first hour, healing is mentioned almost as if it were a synonym for teaching and preaching. At least there is a clear relationship among the three. In fact, the passage that follows says more about the healing than the teaching or the preaching. . . .I believe our teaching can lead to healing of the spiritual kind. . . . As with the Master, wouldn’t it be wonderful to measure the success of our teaching by the healing that takes place in the lives of others?. . .Could we try a little harder to teach so powerfully and so spiritually that we really help that individual who walks alone, who lives alone, who weeps in the dark of the night?” (“Teaching, Preaching, Healing,” Ensign, Jan. 2003, 33–34, 37)." -New Testament Institute Manual, pg. 21

My tender mercy today included a really good quick insight from President Uchtdorf about not boasting in our good works, great insights from my bishop, and a really good fireside tonight from the authors of beautyredefined.net to help people (especially women) recognize that their bodies are tools for good, not just decorations.

Mama's was a powerful sacrament meeting focused on the power of the sacrament!

Aly Paly's was seeing one of his friends again.

My tender mercy was a great date today! We had lots of fun. :) I never would have expected to have gone on a date with this guy, but it was such a nice surprise! Also, this is small, but we spent part of the time at a batting cage and I was doing terribly...then I prayed for help to know how to actually hit the ball, and you know what? It totally worked. Heavenly Father knows everything--even how to hit a softball the right way. Prayers are answered!

I just had a really good insight during scripture study. I was reading in Helaman 5:24-25 about Nephi and Lehi being surrounded by fire in the prison. As I looked up the footnotes to the verses, I started to see a theme: if I am correct, visitations from the Lord are often accompanied by fire (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, Moses and the burning bush and the pillar of fire, Lehi's vision, the pillar of light in the First Vision, etc). I thought of the words "the Spirit of God like a fire is burning" from the hymn The Spirit of God. I realized that these verses show us what the Spirit does in our lives--when our lives are filled with the Spirit, we are spiritually protected. That is a simple truth, but it was amazing to make that connection during my studying. Also, the fire accompanied each of these people when they were conversing with the Lord. This painted a powerful image to me of the spiritual protection found in prayer. I have heard of the parable of the armor of God, but I like this parable of prayer as fire. It is so powerful!

P.S. I had a thought the other night...I want to start preparing to be a seminary teacher. The likelihood of it actually happening isn't very big, but at institute the other day, by a curious set of circumstances, I was led to think about being one some day. Either way, I feel like it would be a very powerful way to help me continue to progress spiritually and have something to work towards. One way I would like to prepare is by labeling all the quotes I put on here so that I can easily retrieve them later.

My tender mercy today was a SUPER GOOD scripture study! I just had a lot of really cool insights, about things like how character is formed one decision at a time and about living heart-to-heart, not just side-by-side. It was also a tender mercy that a guy from the ward invited me to an activity tomorrow! Hopefully he and I can become better friends--he seems like an awesome guy!

Mum's is that she got her eyes checked so that she can wear contacts and that she got to spend time with her children who are the best, yes we are, yes we are. haha

Alastair's is that he found out that his best friend Brigham just got called to serve in Bangkok, Thailand!

My tender mercy today is setting up a bedtime again! I was tired today. And I'm tired of being tired. So I'm going to change that. Also, getting back on the homework bandwagon is a tender mercy! The past few days have been out of the norm, which made it hard to get into my homework. I'm glad I have a routine again.

"I know not by what methods rare,
But this I know, God answers prayer.
I know that He has given His Word,
Which tells me prayer is always heard,
And will be answered, soon or late.
And so I pray and calmly wait.
I know not if the blessing sought
Will come in just the way I thought;
But leave my prayers with Him alone,
Whose will is wiser than my own,
Assured that He will grant my quest,
Or send some answer far more blest."

-poem quoted by President Ezra Taft Benson in "Prayer"

"We learn from [Moses 3] that the spiritual creation preceded the temporal creation. In a similar way, meaningful morning prayer is an important element in the spiritual creation of each day—and precedes the temporal creation or the actual execution of the day. Just as the temporal creation was linked to and a continuation of the spiritual creation, so meaningful morning and evening prayers are linked to and are a continuation of each other." -Elder Bednar, "Pray Always"

Elder Bednar always has the most incredible insights--things I've never thought about before that he puts in a really practical, straightforward way. He helps me want to be more valiant.

I'm a tired little monkey tonight. So tired, in fact, that I can't even remember if I asked Mama what her tender mercy was today. I think I dreamed one up while I was half-awake, waiting for my friend to call so I could help him stay awake while he drove. I'm still not sure.

But MY tender mercy today was getting to spend my day with my mission dad. :) My favorite part was going to a pioneer reenactment place and seeing the beautiful view and feeling this surge of excitement because I GET TO GO TO NAUVOO THIS SUMMER! And I am so incredibly excited. It's unreal. :) But it's real. AHHHH

"Families Can Be Together Forever"

Man, the First Presidency message this month is so powerful! President Eyring had very good, practical insights about sealing families together.

"...we can with confidence aim for a heavenly standard in our relationships within our families. We can care enough about our family members, living and dead, to do all that we can to offer them the priesthood ordinances that will bind us in heaven..."

"From my office window I see brides and grooms every day having their pictures taken among beautiful flowers and shooting fountains. The groom often carries his bride in his arms, at least for a few staggering steps, while the photographer shoots wedding pictures. Every time I see that, I think of couples I have known who in time—sometimes in a very short time after their wedding day—had to carry each other in other ways when life became hard. Jobs can be lost. Children can be born with great challenges. Illness can come. And then, habits of having done unto others as we would have them do unto us—when it was easier—will make us heroes and heroines in those trying times when it takes more than we thought we had in us."

"We owe our families the kind of relationship we can take into the presence of God. We must try not to give offense or take offense. We can determine to forgive quickly and fully. We can try to seek the happiness of others above our own. We can be kind in our speech... The Savior, through the power of His Atonement, makes possible the change in our hearts we need to make in order to enter holy temples, make covenants we can then keep, and in time live in families forever in celestial glory— home again."

The applications I took away from this is to cultivate the habit of sacrifice and the Golden Rule now, so that I will be prepared to be more selfless in those trying times. I also want to do better at doing family history--right now, I do indexing, but I would like to  do my family's work more. I also want to work on preparing to be sealed to my husband by trying to be the best I can. It has helped me a lot to imagine what he is like. It helps me know what I need to change.

I have a tender mercy about tender mercies! I had the inspiration tonight...I want to do a better job at having family scripture study every night since I tend to forget...so I'm going to tag it onto this goal by making my tender mercy posts into family tender mercy posts. :D Yaaaay

So tonight, Mama and Aly's tender mercy was having a great guide at BYU who was super down-to-earth and friendly!

My tender mercy was from an insight I had--so often those insights are my tender mercies! Last semester, I realized the huge power behind thoughts and how we can change our reactions by changing our perceptions. One I tried out was thinking "It's not the end of the world" when something frustrating arose. I noticed that it made me a lot more laid back and that I smiled a lot more! I also tried that mindset out in a social setting by counteracting my "What if they judge me?" with an "It's not the end of the world!" I was a lot more outgoing with that mindset. So, Heavenly Father helped me to recollect that experience, and now I'm excited to try it out again! As I did so today, even though it was mostly just with my family, we laughed a lot more and I felt like myself. It was so rejuvenating!

My tender mercy was getting to spend time with my unofficial mission dad at Temple Square and watching Meet the Mormons with him. It is such a good movie! I love it so much. Also, FHE tonight was super fun. That seems to be a common theme...

My tender mercy today was making specific plans for how to overcome obstacles. It is exciting to me--I love the hope it brings! Also, I am getting back into the mindset of extending my comfort zone with my goals. :)

My biggest tender mercy of the day: ELDER SCHEUERMANN IS HOME FROM HIS MISSION! :D :D Ahhhh, I missed him so much. Our whole family is reunited again and we can all talk to each other whenever we want for the rest of our lives. :D

Another tender mercy was an insight I had about prayer--the purpose of prayer is to draw closer to Heavenly Father. I feel like it will transform my prayers and my relationship with Heavenly Father.

Okay okay, I have a few tender mercies today! Firstly, I love my iTunes library. It is my tender mercy. I downloaded a lot of the free songs offered on https://www.lds.org/youth/music and every time I hear an EFY song, it just takes me back to the sacred times I'd have growing up, studying the scriptures and good books in my room, surrounded by Mormonads and that EFY music. It was so heavenly and I miss the spirit in that room!

Secondly, I ran farther than I ever have today, which surprised me, because it was over two miles farther than I planned on running! And it is a tender mercy that it just felt good to run that far. A mindset that helped me keeping going was that my body feels most comfortable, most in its element, while I run. It feels so good to accomplish something, and it's a feeling I'd like to have more often. Self-worth never changes, but I believe that our self-esteem does change, based on our efforts--which is okay, because that fuels us on to good action and helps us feel fulfilled!

And finally, my biggest tender mercy is that my best friend/little brother gets home from his mission tomorrow! :D We all love him so much. He is so valiant and he put every drop of effort and passion into the Lord's work. We're going to have so much fun here!

My tender mercy today was having the best job shadow ever today! The occupational therapist was so nice. I also had more insight on how I can communicate better, which is a huge blessing! Today was great. Thanks Heavenly Father. :)

My tender mercy today was Heavenly Father leading me right to a place willing to take me for a job shadow! It's been kind of hard to find places that even answer the phone, let alone do shadowing! I have to have it done within two weeks, but I'll be a little busy with visitors coming soon, so it was also a tender mercy that they offered for me to come in tomorrow! Also, the woman I talked to said it was lucky that I even got a hold of them, because hardly anyone answers the number I called and she just happened to be there! It was cool to see that Heavenly Father answered my prayer. It always serves as a reminder to me that He's aware and still directing my life.

So, I'm going to *slightly* alter my gratitude journal idea into more of a tender mercy journal, just because I feel like it helps me recognize specific instances of Heavenly Father's hand in my life more easily.

SO, my tender mercy today was GETTING TO MEET MY NIECE! :D It was so incredible. I can't believe she's here. She is so perfect and peaceful. I can't wait for her to come home!

It was also a huge tender mercy to hear from my brother. He is such a good boy--one of the best I know. He is my best friend. <3>

1. I'm grateful to have Mr. G in my life--he is such a powerful, hard-working man. :)

2. My tender mercy of the day was hearing from Elder Scheuermann, my dear boy.

3. Baby is finally coming! Hopefully by tomorrow morning we will get to see her. YAYAYAYAYAY, it's hard to even believe it's real!

4. Greek food today=delicious

5. FHE was fun tonight--again, everyone is super nice. Bless them :')

1. I was led to some quotes from President Hinckley, and one of my favorite ones was this: “Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine.” I love the first part, because it puts the power in our hands. We have the power to cultivate that happiness and optimism as much as we have the power to cultivate a garden! I keep going back to the example of my mission president and his wife. They are such examples to me of modern-day Moronis--always doing the next thing to help them progress!

2. I needed guidance on what to share with Elder Scheuermann in my email, and I was seriously led right to the PERFECT Ensign article!

3. I feel like I'm starting to get to know people at church better and that I have a little group that I gravitate towards, which is so nice. I love this ward! Everyone is so cool!

4. I'm grateful for how supportive and loving my family is. We lift each other up.

5. I'm grateful to be getting back into my goals. They're super important!

1. I'm grateful for the guidance Heavenly Father has given me in very specific ways! He is so aware of me and guides me step by step.

2. I got quite a bit of homework done today and it felt great. :)

3. I have felt guided to a new routine that should help me be more productive, hopefully!

4. I love my family. :)

5. I <3 p="" summertime="">
6. Baby's most likely coming today or tomorrow! :D :D :D She's almost here!

1. Tri-stake temple trip! We had a chapel session beforehand, which I had never done in the Salt Lake temple (or knew about!) before. It was powerful to be surrounded by so many strong young single adults! I feel like it was Heavenly Father's way of telling me that there are plenty of young single adults out there--sometimes I feel like they're all hiding. But now I know where...the temple!

2. I got to do sealings while I was there, and I felt inspiration and motivation pouring in on me the whole time about how I can progress. I loved it!

3. Institute today was so good as well--my favorite part was the teacher talking about how Moroni was constantly making bigger and better fortifications. The war chapters are some of my favorite parts of the Book of Mormon because I feel like they're so applicable to how we can protect ourselves against the adversary. The question I've had lately is how I can keep my focus when I'm trying to live a certain principle. It seems really strong for the first few days, and then I lose steam. So, my teacher's insight that Moroni was always moving upwards seems to be the answer. There is no plateau. I need to be constantly striving to find the next thing that will help me be strong. My mission president and his wife are the ultimate example to me in this--they would always give us practical invitations for the work, and they would always be progressing themselves. For example, my mission president's wife decided she wanted to work on becoming more diligent and having more self-discipline, so she decided to stop eating chocolate. My mission president reads books that the General Authorities write. I love little practical suggestions like that--small and simple things.

4. And that small and simple idea today is to use my driving time to memorize the Primary songs! I've felt like the radio has gotten kind of bad, so this was the answer Heavenly Father gave me. It's perfect, because one of my goals is to memorize the Primary songs so I can sing them to my kids.

5. And the fifth way I saw Heavenly Father's hand today...I still feel like it's just a huge tender mercy that I get to live with Neil and Boo Boo. They make my summer way more fun than I could. :D

"With merciless fury Satan's forces must have attacked the Savior on all fronts [during the Atonement]--frantically, diabolically, seeking a vulnerable spot, a weakness, and Achilles' heel through which they might inflict a 'mortal' wound, all in hopes they could halt the impending charge, but it was not to be. The Savior pressed forward in bold assault until every prisoner was freed from the tenacious tentacles of the Evil One. This was  rescue mission of infinite implications." ("The Infinite Atonement," Elder Tad R. Callister, pg. 130)

I hadn't given much thought to the fact that the adversary and all his minions must have been putting forth their greatest efforts during the most crucial moment in the history of time. They were desperate for the Lord to fail, for if He did, all mankind was lost and would be under their dominion. In doesn't say any of this doctrinally, but to me it makes so much sense that the adversary put forth his fullest effort during the Savior's suffering in Gethsemane. Another quote I loved from "The Infinite Atonement" is where it mentions that the Savior didn't just weather the suffering or make a "fist-clenching 'taking of the stripes.' It must have been more than a defensive 'holding of the fort' or raising of the shield to ward off the fiery darts of the Evil One. Part of the Savior's atoning quest must have included an element of conquering, an offensive struggle of sorts...This part of the battle may have necessitated an invasion of Satan's turf, perhaps even an intrepid trespass into the dark abyss of the Devil's domain." (pg. 129) Such a powerful thought!

I am super excited about my upcoming project...I am going to read "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis (a fictional book of letters between a seasoned demon and a demon-in-training) AND also "The Enoch Letters" by Elder Neal A. Maxwell (also a fictional book of letters between angels...if I'm correct.) I'm doing so because I want to be more aware of how the adversary seeks to get to me. I don't want to dwell on it, but I also don't want to be completely unaware. So, to start off, here is a quote from "The Screwtape Letters": "There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human's mind against [God]. He wants men to be concerned with what they do; our business is to keep them thinking about what will happen to them."

1. “I was very shy in high school and did not take advantage of opportunities to enlarge and build my talents. I was afraid to try. … Don’t be afraid to try. Have confidence in yourself. You won’t succeed the first time on anything you do, but successive attempts will bring confidence and the development of new talents” (L. Tom Perry, “Sharing Family Heritage,” Ensign, Sept. 2006, 8)...Elder Perry was shy once? Well, that gives me hope that I can change too. :)

2. I am loving this principle of pushing myself little by little to a bigger comfort zone. I ran farther than I have before, today. It was good for me emotionally to just run it off. Today was a little rough...

3. ...until I went to FHE! So, at the end of my run I thought about one of my best friends. I met her at EFY and "randomly" ended up being her roommate a little while after that! She had changed between EFY and college, into someone who (in a good way) doesn't give a fig what other people think about her. I asked her how she did it and she said she just does crazy embarrassing things and people seem fine with it. haha. I don't know if I can be as bold as her...but I can start to overcome my social fears little by little. I tried tonight at FHE by seeing if I could just reach out and talk to one person. It happened to be the elders quorum president, who was super nice and consequently introduced me to like everyone else there! Tender mercy.

4. Dinner. Delicious.

5. Papa is here for a few days :D We're all under the same roof, at least for a little while!

1. I got asked on a date by at church today! Tender mercy, since I've been praying to make some good friends here. I think (besides SVU) he is the first guy I'll have gone on a date with who I didn't know before my mission. We're going salsa dancing this weekend...arriba!

2. So, with the memories of "Unbroken" still in my mind from last night, church had a whole new meaning for me today. Our first lesson was about knowing that the Lord hasn't forgotten us, and it definitely made me think about "Unbroken" and how hard it must have been to not feel unforgotten through all those trials. But those good men did it!

3. Mama rubbed my sore legs with Pain-a-trate and it hurt so good. I am spolt! (Okie for "spoiled")

4. This meme:

5. I got to watch Face to Face with Elder and Sister Bednar and it was SO GOOD. It seriously made my whole Sunday and helped me feel like I had a successful Sabbath. Here's a powerful quote from it: "Would the Lord send one of the Twelve Apostles halfway around the world to help just one person? The answer is yes, He does it all the time." Elder Bednar always has new insights and I love that! And Sister Bednar is just as much his spiritual equal.