Tender mercies...
1. As I had been thinking about the validity of spiritual creation, one of the talks that popped on to my iPod during my run was by Elder Bednar, about how Heavenly Father creates everything spiritually before physically! So it reaffirmed me. :)
2. I have come to cherish the time before I fall asleep as my spiritual creation time. Or maybe my awake dreaming, as opposed to my asleep dreaming. It's been so great! I've realized that I need to dream more often so I can know where I'm going! For example, I realized that my dream job (before my career) would probably be as an occupational therapy aide in a retirement center. I think those thoughts became part of my subconscious as well, as I dreamed about working. (Also, have I been writing more British-ly lately? I feel like I have. Indubitably, Watson.)
3. I had a great time reading Doodah's life story with him. So interesting!
4. My grandparents had a visitor stay last night and it was fun to have someone else here. The more the merrier!
5. I finally got to go on a run! It was beautiful. So nice to be in the countryside.
6. One of my favorite tender mercies was the thought that I should try to do at least 15 minutes of non-urgent homework before I do the urgent homework for the day. That way, hopefully, I can actually get ahead in my classes instead of just getting by.
7. I got to call Parker and Roger last night. Two of my closest friends. :) It was great to get in contact with them again after a week. Usually it's about every day!

Hi bloggy. I'm a little bit discouraged right now. I feel like I've been kind of inundated with thoughts of how to truly change lately, and it's overwhelming. Underlying all these tactics lies a question that I've had for a while now: is it truly possible to change my character for good? It's been discouraging to see myself progress for a few days, only to crash and burn in my progress a few days later or get distracted. I'm just hoping it won't take constant effort for everything I hope to change--I would like these things to become part of who I am, not just actions I waveringly make. Deep down, I know that true change is possible--the scriptures are full of examples. But I would like to be able to feel like I can harness the power to help bring that change about. I would like to feel the hope of the enabling power of the Atonement in my daily efforts. It is hard for me to want to put forth effort if it feels like it's not going to stick. Anyways. I'll feel better in the morning, but the question will still remain. I'll be looking.

How I saw the Lord's hand today (and yesterday):
1. I got to read part of my grandpa's life story with him yesterday--he loved it and it was good bonding time, which is nice, because we are all kind of introverted creatures here and I was worrying about spending my time bonding here.
2. Despite the fact that I was stressing out during my entire test today, I got a good score! I was discouraged and fuzzy-brained the whole time, but Heavenly Father helped me out.
3. I realized how harmful some household and makeup products can be, and became a little bit more willing to accept natural products. It'll be a task, but as the author of ablogaboutlove.com put it, if small amounts of food (like the hormones in dairy and meat) can affect us drastically (in my case with dairy, it is the sole culprit in my lack of clear skin), what are the small (and large) amounts of chemicals we surround ourselves with doing to us? So, I'm willing to look into it.
4. Yellow flowers from the garden yesterday, yellow bracelet today (99 pence!)
5. My grandma has the book "The Secret," and I agree with a lot of it (but not all). I'm trying to figure out what the balance is between mental manifestation/creation and plain effort. I think there is a place for both. Mental/spiritual creation gives you a clear destination (and in several cases, I have seen it play a role in bringing about things I didn't think were possible), but you've got to have the actions to back it up. I think that the parable of the seed in Alma 32 could be the answer to my question of true change. I was led to it a few days ago. It's not enough to know that a goal is good. We've then got to act on it until we harvest the fruit. I do hope and believe that Heavenly Father will respect and regard every effort we make to change, and that no effort is wasted. I really hope so. And spiritual creation--I've got a lot of thoughts on it. I think, what's the harm in dreaming, even if it isn't sufficient? And what is lost if we don't dream? A lot. I often think, if I can't even imagine myself accomplishing something, how do I expect myself to take the actions to accomplish it? Spiritual creation gives us the faith and guidance that we can achieve things. It only takes a moment to dream/visualize, so nothing is lost, but there's a lot to be gained, as long as we back those thoughts up with actions. I think it also has the power of helping us formulate an actual plan. As for action plans, I've seen lately that we have habits for a reason. If we want to change our habits, we've either got to see why it's important or change what we're doing so that it's easier to keep the new habit than the old one. We hold on to our habits because of our needs. We've got to recognize the need behind the habit, like that Guardian article pointed out.

Goal: I went to bed at 10 again...and woke up around 2:30 #NailedIt. So I read the Screwtape Letters for a few hours and finally fell asleep when the sun rose...I don't know why that made me tired, but it worked!

The Lord's hand:
1. I got a ride to church!
2. It can be discouraging to think I can accomplish a huge change in my character. Heavenly Father reminded me: "Of course I can accomplish this! I have the Atonement!" I think sometimes I think it all comes down to willpower. If the Savior was able to help me overcome panic attacks and irrational fears, He can help me overcome any of my weaknesses. He knows how. The Atonement will not fail me in this.
3. I really am excited about this dating fast...
4. I came to understand vulnerability today. It's letting myself be myself. And I'm excited to do it. I'm excited to be myself. I tried it today and IT WAS SO FUN :D It is so nice to let my real self stretch instead of cramming her into the nearest trash can.
5. Among other things, being led to ablogaboutlove.com reinforced the importance of looking after myself physically so I can be in balance emotionally, smiling even when I don't feel like it, and even something as small as surrounding myself by the color yellow. I actually had that thought yesterday, when England was gray and my room was cold--"I need to wear something yellow or red." (Unfortunately, almost everything I packed is a variation of blue...I'm going to do some DI searching when I get home, yes I am yes I am.) But after reading that, I stole the yellow sheet off of one of the beds here to put on my bed, gathered together a stack of yellow books for the table, found some yellow flowers and leaves for my nightstand, and put a yellow post-it note on my bland gray notebook that now says "smile every day". Overboard? Not on your life :)
6. HUGE prayer answered (coming to love myself)--One of THE most important insights I gained today was being led to ablogaboutlove.com. Because of that, I am fighting against the constant barrage of negative self-talk I tell myself every day. I realized that if there was a pie chart of all my self-talk, there would be a meager slice for self-love. Most of the time it's "that was selfish," or "you need to work harder," etc. And while I should be working on all those things, I do not want to base even my self-worth on my actions, because, you know what? I am an unstable, fallible human being. I will never be perfect in this life, and there are a million things I need to do better. And I make a mental note of all of them. All day. Every day. So the thought that came to me (and made me cry!) that whenever I think to myself "Man, I'm so selfish," I finish the sentence with "and you know what? God still loves me, no matter what." I'll write it down a thousand times a day if I need to. If I could understand that one sentence, my life would be changed forever. I am praying and pleading that the Atonement can help me to please understand that. I am tired of self-loathing. It's time for some much needed self-loving. Please please please. I'm crying it up over here right now, harder than I have in a while, thinking about how He loves me and has always loved me. And even though I'm a big slobbery mess right now, He still loves me. This is one of the most important lessons I can ever ever learn. This is the tender mercy of my week, and will be one of the biggest tender mercies of my entire life.

Bloggy, I'm giving up dating. Not giving up on dating. But I'm going on a dating fast. Not to say I'll turn dates down, but I'm not going to actively pursue it. Why? Because there's something else I have to pursue first. I realized that I'm really not prepared to date anyone. I have based my worth on what others think, and that is not fair to the other person or myself. It is a false hope. To give you some insight to my decision, may I introduce you to one of the greatest tender mercies of my life? ablogaboutlove.com. It has given me some of the most important realizations of my life: steps to vulnerability here here and here, independent happiness (even if your life is falling to pieces, like hers was when she began her journey), unshakable worth--all the things I'm going to now direct my attention to, for my future family's sake. May I share one of the most true-to-me writings I found on there? I was nodding the entire time.

”Self-worth is soooo crucial in dating.  Oh my goodness.  Please, please...if you are struggling with this, tackle it head on.  Try to overcome this.  It will help you tremendously as you date and try to decide who to marry one day.  Without self-worth, it's easy to feel a little desperate.  It's easy to look past major red flags in a relationship simply because you want so desperately to be loved.  Without self-worth, it's easy to get yourself into some pickles.  It's easy to stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons.  It's easy to latch on to anyone who throws you a bone.  It's easy to think that you won't be WHOLE until you find a partner or a spouse.  It's easy to feel as though finding a partner is the only thing that matters, and that life is really in a holding pattern until you meet 'the one' who will make everything feel complete.  I hope you can see how detrimental this can be in a relationship.  Someone with low self-worth often demands that their partner make them whole; they rely on someone else to provide them with happiness.  Oh dear.  This thinking is NOT HEALTHY.  This will not lead to a healthy relationship.  This will lead to one big roller coaster.”

She knows my LIFEEEE! Because she's been there, and further. Her story is incredible. I figure Heavenly Father can hold off on me finding my future husband until I get things figured out. I realized I was getting into a frenzy thinking that my time is "running out" for marriage...I'm 23. Yes, this is the age of marriage and family, but I also have a specific timetable, and I feel completely unprepared for marriage and family right now. So (ironically enough) not dating is one step of how I'm preparing. Read ablogaboutlove.com! It will change your life!

Oh, and dating, I'll be back, don't you worry. But I'll be a different person.

Optimism

Some good quotes about optimism from goodreads.com:

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” 
― Dr. Seuss

"... make your optimism come true."
-- Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

“For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use to be anything else.” 
― Winston S. Churchill

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.” 
― Noam Chomsky

And some excellent quotes by Elder Maxwell and Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

"No love is ever wasted. Its worth does not lie in reciprocity. " 
— Neal A. Maxwell

“Think about your particular assignment at this time in your life. It may be to get an education, it may be to rear children, it may be to be a grandparent, it may be to care for an relieve the suffering of someone you love, it may be to do a job in the most excellent way possible, it may be to support someone who has a difficult assignment of their own. Our assignments are varied and they change from time to time. Don't take them lightly. Give them your full heart and energy. Do them with enthusiasm. Do whatever you have to do this week with your whole heart and soul. To do less than this will leave you with an empty feeling.” 
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley, Small and Simple Things

"We give our lives to that which we give our time."

"I have learned that it is very difficult, if not impossible, to unclutter one’s life by starting at the top of the pile with the idea that the solution is to just get things sorted and better organized. It is nice to get better organized, but that is not enough. Much has to be discarded. We must actually get rid of it. To do this we need to develop a list of basics, a list of those things that are indispensable to our mortal welfare and happiness and our eternal salvation. This list must follow the gospel pattern and contain the elements needed for our sanctification and perfection. It must be the product of inspiration and prayerful judgment between the things we really need and the things we just want. It should separate need from greed. It must be our best understanding of those things that are important as opposed to those things that are just interesting. It should have nothing to do with trying to stay in the fast lane."

"We need to examine all the ways we use our time: our work, our ambitions, our affiliations, and the habits that drive our actions. As we make such a study, we will be able to better understand what we should really be spending our time doing."

"To work is a commandment from God. It is the pattern for the happiness of individuals and the family and is the strength of both the Church and society."
-Elder William R. Bradford, "Unclutter Your Life"

Okay bloggy, here goes. Tender mercy update! So, how many tender mercies happened after 7:30 last night? Approximately 25 pages worth! Seriously, it was crazy.

1. prayer answered--I was able to go to bed at 10:00! So check check for that. Total thus far: 1. #success

2. Also, I just added up how many miles I've run over the past eleven weeks...and I think a celebration is in order. :)

3. prayer answered (help to feel happier and more in control)--As for the 25 pages...so, last night, the thought came to me that, really, the thing that defines if I'll sustain a habit or not is if 1) it seems like the best or easiest way or 2) I understand the importance or merit of it. For example, I keep trying to eat healthy because that food tastes better to me than unhealthy food now. If it didn't...I probably wouldn't keep it up. So, excited by that thought, ideas for how to make better habits just flooded me when I woke up around 1:30. (Probably because of the time zone difference) And...I didn't fall asleep until at least 5:00 am.Thus, I did not keep my 6:00 wake-up time! But I did gain 25 pages of inspiration. Granted, those were written the dark, so it would probably only add up to 10 small pages, and a lot of my thoughts were about small habits, but still. SO MUCH INSPIRATION.

How I've seen the Lord's hand in my life today:
1. prayer answered (help to feel less overwhelmed and happier)--an hour or two later, the inspiration came that what I'm eating has a huge effect on my mood.
2. prayer answered (help to feel less overwhelmed and happier)--remembering that the best way to overcome misbeliefs is through counteracting them right when they come--it's good to proactively create positive beliefs, but you've also got to replace the weeds when they do pop up. The term "misbeliefs" comes from the book Telling Yourself the Truth: Find Your Way Out of Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Anger, and Other Common Problems by Applying the Principles of Misbelief Therapy by William Backus. It is one of the most life-changing books I have ever read. I am grateful every day that Heavenly Father led me to it and I think everyone should read it!
3. Finding a pretty little barrette for one pound! Just because Heavenly Father loves me :')
4. prayer answered (seeing any instances where my efforts have made lasting change instead of surface change)--Realizing the (hopefully) lasting effect that cutting sugar (mostly) out of my life has had--even though I'm surrounded by the English foods I used to adore, they're not as appetizing to me now, because I've found something better--fresh food! We got some at the store today. Who knew that I'd ever be so excited for apples! I didn't even like apples before!
5. the thought that I can just make sharing tender mercies part of my scripture study so I don't forget to do it! ...now I just have to remember to do that. haha
6. Oh, also, I was led to a free 10K training plan! The ones I've seen before cost a lot.
7. Also, this was just cute and I didn't want to forget it. I asked my grandpa how he was doing, and he said (in his British accent): "Very well! Disgustingly well!" hahaha, I've never heard it put that way before, but maybe I'll start saying it and pass on the tradition.
8. prayer answered (to know that my efforts will make a lasting change)--I had the thought to really test it out with one or two things. That's the only way I'll really know. I would like to try this with both thoughts and actions. Last semester, I tried it with thoughts by thinking "It's not the end of the world" to help me not get upset with little things as easily. It definitely worked! I think that it's had a lasting effect on me...I think that in general, I don't get as upset as easily? At least, I hope so. So, with thoughts, I'd like to work for about ten weeks on repeating one thought to myself when misbeliefs arrive. It will be related to self-discipline: "I'll feel better once I do it." I think that will be a super important one.
As for actions, the one I'd like to work on consistently for about ten weeks (the 21-day rule is "poppycock and horsefeathers," according to the Guardian) is going to bed at 10 am and waking up at 6 am. While I'm looking at it, this article by the Guardian also points out some other important things: it's false to think that if you miss a day in retraining habits, that you've lost all your progress. That makes it harder to get back up. Also, habits are supposed to be hard to break--that's the point of habits. Also also, the article mentions that we need to look at if the habit is there to try to fill a need. If we also address the need, it will be much easier to break the habit. I also found out a few days ago that it's often hard to change our habits because the part of the brain that is in charge of habits, emotions, and memories (the basal ganglia) is different from the part of the brain that's in charge of decision-making (the prefrontal cortex). So, when you first start to change a habit, the basal ganglia sends signals that you're doing something wrong. (This thought is from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, as mentioned in this Forbes article.)
9. Another thought...perhaps I will keep track of my goals when I update this every day. It's worth a shot, eh? SO. My finish line will be October 3...actually, I've decided I don't like to think of my goals that way, because it makes me more daunted. Like "really? Do I think I can keep it up that long?" Instead, I'll try to get...100 days altogether. (That way, I think to myself "Okay, I've kept it up for three days so far. I want my max to be at least four.") So, every day I keep it will be a success, not a potential failure. Yes? No? Extending my comfort zone/limit has been one of the only ways I've succeeded in growing so far, so I think yes.

Man, look at that! At least nine ways Heavenly Father has been aware of me today! And it's not even 7:30! Also, I think I like numbering these...it helps me see the multitude of blessings.

Also, self, when you're feeling discouraged or hopeless...look at your plate. I just remembered that there's an absolute correlation between what you eat and how you feel. I've felt a little bit down the past few days and I believe Heavenly Father just sent me a reminder. I have not been eating very well the past few days. I've GOT to start packing my own meals when I travel. (Plus getting a good sleeping schedule! So important. SO important.)

I was studying about how quickly we forget the Lord, and I realized that I have fallen into that trap. It's really easy to do when things are going well! President Eyring put it really well:

"Dependence upon God can fade quickly when prayers are answered. And when the trouble lessens, so do the prayers. The Book of Mormon repeats that sad story over and over again”

I realized that I need to take time to recognize the Lord's hand, especially when things are going well. Hopefully I can come to understand how important it is to do it every day and make a way to make it happen.

I definitely saw the Lord's hand yesterday, as I miraculously made it on time to the airport (which was actually the day before, but traveling and time zones confuse me, so I'll just consider all my flights one day) and somehow ended up getting all the right trains to my grandparents' house. :) I woke up with only a little bit of time to throw everything together, but it all worked and Aly was able to give me a ride (even though I did not plan at all). I got a flight to Atlanta--probably one of the last seats, as it was standby. I got to my connecting flight to England JUST in time (they were calling for final boarding, even though I thought I had more time). I got to sit next to some fun people who became like my traveling parents for the trip. I think one of the biggest tender mercies was having the sudden inspiration about what it takes to love yourself. I realized that it's impossible to love your life when you don't love yourself. It is required for happiness. You just have to hush the voice inside your mind that constantly tells you that you're not enough. That can be quite a task, which is why I need to pray. Once I got to England, I got through customs quicker than I ever have. My next obstacle was getting the right trains. My credit card was denied because I was out of the country and there wasn't anywhere to pay cash, but there was a nice Russian lady having the same problem and we were able to help each other find a place. For the short window of time on one train, they had free WiFi, which allowed me to unlock my credit card, which turned out to be necessary for the next trains, as I didn't have enough in cash to buy the next tickets. I'm sure if I had needed to, there would have been another way of exchanging dollars for pounds or getting a different kind of ticket or if I really needed, to ask a kindly stranger for the four extra pounds I lacked, but I'm grateful that Heavenly Father let me have that experience so that I could recognize that He was helping me. And now I'm in England! Everything worked out. It was less than a week ago that I felt that now was the time to come, and everything worked out, even when I didn't think it would. It was also a blessing that I wasn't as stressed about it as I could have been.

I saw the Lord's hand today by helping me get to the temple. I had a lot of good insights while I was there! One of them was to try to extend my comfort zone in different areas every day (physical, mental, spiritual, etc.). It's nice to have goals to guide the day (the new standard of excellence, you could say). I have really felt the power of trying to extend my comfort zone--I've achieved more growth lately than I feel like I have before! And I also believe that there is little room to coast in life--if I'm not progressing, I'm more than likely regressing. That's why this idea of daily goals in different areas is good, because hopefully it'll help me to stay focused day by day.

Man, I am so in love with C.S. Lewis' writings--they are so profound and penetrating. I would love to read all of his books once I finish The Screwtape Letters. Here's a quote from Mere Christianity that I just found: "To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?"

I forgot that this talk existed! It was such a strength to me on my mission. It's called "The Great and Wonderful Love" by Elder Anthony D. Perkins--it's all about recognizing Heavenly Father's love for us, despite our weaknesses. Here are some quotes from it.

"Consider three examples of how Lucifer is 'laying traps and snares to catch the holy ones of God.'...The snare of false inadequacy....The snare of exaggerated imperfection...The snare of needless guilt."

"God the Father is merciful and has infinite love for you despite your faults. Only the voice of Satan will cause you to feel of no value. In contrast, the Holy Ghost will cause you to feel 'godly sorrow' 10 unto repentance in a manner that fills you with hope of positive change."

"Doubt, fear, and worry indicate we have taken all of life’s burdens and anxieties on ourselves."

"You will experience greater joy in life as you eradicate adult-onset pessimism and substitute childlike optimism. Optimism is a virtue that allows us to see God’s loving hand in the details of our life."

I saw the Lord's hand today by being guided to things that will help me become more of who I'd like to be.

Also, I have been working on my calligraphy, which is just a fun hobby! I've never chased a hobby this hard before, so it's fun to get really into it and see progress quickly.

And Heavenly Father helped me get my job shadow today--the last of the three required. It has been a tender mercy to be led to all of them!

Also, I had a thought today about Heavenly Father's character. I feel like I'm starting to come to understand it better, which is a huge tender mercy.

How I saw the Lord's hand today:
-Okay, a lot of ways, actually! First, a big tender mercy lately has been found in expanding my hobbies. It's just really fun to see progress in something and be able to put effort into it. It's one of those things that builds self-esteem in a righteous way.
-Heavenly Father has led me to a lot of little things I can do that will help me--for example, like covering up the mirrors. Another idea He gave me was to wear my sports watch during the day and set timers. Also, to think of my schoolwork like a job--I can't show up late or take breaks early at work, or in homework. It was really nice today.
-My church history class had some good insights today--the greatest generation is the one that is striving to strengthen the next generation. That needs to be my focus. The other insight was about how the Lord takes us from where we are to where we can be. He works with us right here, right now.
-A reminder that progress only comes when we start with prayer.
-I sat down for a minute today and thought about who I really want to be. I realized today that I want to go back to who I was in high school and college before my mission. Back then, I feel like I focused on the gospel more and was also able to have fun and joke around a lot. I want to be that girl again! Yeppers.
-It's bedtime. Almost.
-Oh! Lastly! The most important thing from today was being led to a quote from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. It is all about the adversary convincing us that when we come down from a high spiritual peak, our valiance was a bit "excessive" and it was just a phase, not a lifestyle. So perfect for me right now.
-And then I found this OTHER super good quote from it: "When they have really learned to love their neighbors as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbors." I love love that quote, and I completely believe it. We cannot have true self-esteem if we know we're not treating others well.

How I saw the Lord's hand today:

-He helped me reach my goal of waking up on time

-rides all worked out for everyone getting where they needed to go (including to my mission president's homecoming!)

-I've gotten to see a lot of different groups of friends lately--mission, high school, college

-I got to see some friends from church today, even though I had to go to different hours of church

-we got to do homemade family dinner together, which I feel like we haven't done in a while

-family Skype! always a tender mercy--every time we get together or pray or study it adds a layer of strength to our armors (in the words of Elder Perry)

-I even got to practice piano for a while, which was a goal I had!

-I got asked out by a nice boy today, which is nice, because I'm trying to diversify :)

I'm trying out different styles of noticing the Lord's hand. I just want it to be effective.

Alastair suggested that I watch the Scriptures Legacy on lds.org. It's about the importance of the scriptures and how many people have sacrificed to bring them to us. He's right, it is definitely worth the 22 minutes! Watch it here.

My tender mercy today was getting voracious with the family history. IT WAS CRAZYYY

I set a goal to push myself and see how many family names I could find, and it feels so good to have a new record! I know that's not what it's all about, but it definitely was motivation to help me find those names. It feels even better to know that I am helping those on the other side! Finally! I have been slacking for so long!

"The dignity and self-esteem that honest work produces are essential to happiness" -Elder L. Tom Perry, "The University of Mortality," BYU Devotionals 1988

“If you go to bed at 10:00 and get up by 6:00 a.m., things will work out for you.” -President Hinckley

I love how specific this counsel is!

My answer to prayer today was being able to go to the temple today! Although I was a tired little monkey, it was so good to be there. And I think it was the earliest session I've gone to yet. It's been a tender mercy to wake up so early lately, because it feels great to already have a lot done by noon. I think that those early morning hours are some of my favorite times of the day. I'm really hoping that arising early can just become part of our family tradition. It is such a powerful time. Speaking of early...I need to go to bed.

Mama's tender mercy was us taking a tour of a college today and Alastair feeling excited about it! He hadn't thought of going there before (the tour was more for me), but by the end he was considering it and excited about it. Go Aly go :D

Tender mercy of the day: well, first of all, institute choir and ultimate frisbee afterwards was so fun :D But the tender mercy within the tender mercy was when we were playing, one of the guys randomly said, "Suzy, this might sound weird, but every time I block you, you smell so good!" and then later, another guy said "He's right, you do smell good!" haha

Oh! My answer to prayer from yesterday was SO GOOD--I read a really good article in the Ensign about the power of going to bed early and waking up early, and it inspired me! So, 10 pm bedtime. 6 am wake-up time. #excited

Alastair's tender mercy today was asking a girl out on a date! Way to open thy mouth, Aly! haha

I want to be real for a minute...well, forever, but especially real right now. I went to a really good fireside on Sunday about how the world has made women feel so paranoid about being beautiful enough. I've been thinking about that concept a lot since then, and I am so aware that I fall into that trap. And I'm tired of it! It takes up way too much time and energy, and it is a "thirst" can never be filled. Actually, I've been thinking about how I've had kind of an addictive personality with a few different things. Nothing terrible, but things like blaring music, sugar, and Facebook--things that I always come away from feeling worse. They were thirsts that were never filled, because "you can never get enough of the things you don't need" (Elder Groberg). And I have learned important things from it: like many addictions, I have to 1) stop talking about/thinking about/doing those things, so that the neural pathways in my brain are not being fed as much ("Which wolf will you feed?" sort of mindset), and 2) replace those things with something better. It is a super effective formula. If you're going to pull out weeds, you have to replace them with flowers. I'll give you an example: before, I loved cranking the radio while I drove. After a while though, I recognized that there were a lot of inappropriate songs and messages. I wanted to overcome it, but didn't see how I could. However, I started listening to church music in the car or just singing Primary songs, I filled my iTunes with only church music, I've started listening to Conference talks while I run, and I hardly ever want to listen to worldly music anymore. I LOVE listening to my iTunes--why? I ALWAYS feel better after listening to it. I feel like my desire has literally changed. I hope it lasts forever. The same is true in the case of sugar! My mission president's wife gave up sugar, as did my dad, and that led me to decide that I was going to try it out too. I found out that the more sugar you eat, the more you want sugar. That helped me stop. So, I stopped eating it cold turkey (food puns), and I replaced it with A LOT of fruit. haha. Now, a few months later (when I have occasionally given in to a sugar craving), I recognize how bad it makes me feel, and now it doesn't taste as good to me as fruit does.

So. That was a really long paragraph! But. I want to stop feeding my cravings of trying to be "beautiful enough." And I think I have found something to replace it with! Elder Lynn G. Robbins made the point that we are the most beautiful when we have the Lord's image in our countenances. That comes through actions that I can control, whereas there is only so much I can do to enhance my physical beauty! And it is so true that much about beauty is based on who we truly are. It's amazing how a kind personality and a happy outlook make someone so much more attractive! As Elder Robbins says, "one of the discoveries that our Father in Heaven would have us make is to learn that we have far more control over our happiness than we sometimes think we do."

"Men who saw no beauty in our Savior may also not see your beauty. But men of Christ, acquainted with His grief, will come to love you and say, ‘She is the most beautiful of all.’" (Beauty Tips, Sheralee Bills)

Also, this sounds crazy, but I feel like it was inspiration specifically for me...today I started covering up my mirrors when I'm not using them...and it makes me so happy :D