"Of Regrets and Resolutions"

Dear three people who read this blog:

I had an epiphany last night. Actually, it was at 2 am this morning. ANYWAYS, let me tell you my story...

(curtains pull back mysteriously)

Heavenly Father told me last night in a way that couldn't be unheard that I need to stop trying to find happiness by changing my circumstances. Each thread in the string that was supposed to support my happiness was cut individually over this last semester. Last night was the last thread (or straw, you could say). In a way that sort of poked the bruises of my weaknesses, I got the message.

And so, after that event happened and after sitting on the couch moaning about it, I remembered that I still needed to read my scriptures. It was two in the morning (but that's normal, haha). I sat down on the kitchen floor to do so. I tried studying the Book of Mormon, but it's hard to pull out applications when you're sitting on your kitchen floor, with a headache, mind preoccupied with the last few hours' events, at two in the morning. I turned instead to general conference talks. Heavenly Father loves me. He directed me to the exact talks I needed. I have been wondering for a while now how to become truly converted, and I found the answer in Elder Ballard's "Be Anxiously Engaged": "...

Do we just go through the motions, or are we truly converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ? How do we take the seed of faith that has been nurtured in our minds and plant it deep in the fertile soil of our souls? How do we make the mighty change of heart that Alma says is essential for our eternal happiness and peace? (see Alma 5:12–21)....There is one simple daily practice that can make a difference for every member of the Church, including you boys and girls, you young men and you young women, you single adults, and you fathers and mothers.

That simple practice is: In your morning prayer each new day, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to recognize an opportunity to serve one of His precious children. Then go throughout the day with your heart full of faith and love, looking for someone to help. Stay focused, just like the honeybees focus on the flowers from which to gather nectar and pollen. [A side note from Suzy: This is important for me, because I often get distracted by to-do lists and stresses. I'm going to change that.] If you do this, your spiritual sensitivities will be enlarged and you will discover opportunities to serve that you never before realized were possible."

And, if that wasn't enough of an answer to prayer, Heavenly Father gave me another talk! "Of Regrets and Resolutions" by President Uchtdorf. "So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial...The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness. We do matter. We determine our happiness. You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness...We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is the day which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and be glad in it.”6 Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it. Perhaps we should be looking less with our eyes and more with our hearts. I love the quote: “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”7 We are commanded “to give thanks in all things.”8 So isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for, rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition? [this phrase was the climax for me]...Let us resolve to be happy, regardless of our circumstances."

I realized something VERY important last night. No set of circumstances, no matter how perfect they are, will EVER make me happy. Only my attitude can do that. And that attitude depends upon two things: gratitude and service. And those are two things that I CAN control, no matter what my circumstances are. So, from now on I'm going to stop paying attention to the tiny problems in my life and instead focus on my blessings and on others. I'm going to spend my thoughts on searching out the opportunity to serve daily that Heavenly Father has put in my path, all day ery day. And I'm going to be infinitely happier for it. :)

I'll tell you what, I test-drove being grateful and giving service this morning. I have not been that happy in far too long.

I've heard this truth for years! But sometimes I need things phrased the perfect way at the perfect time for it to finally resonant with me. It's like when someone tries to find your reflex by hitting under your kneecap in just the right spot. BOOM. That was last night. MAY I NEVER FORGET IT. I needed to write this post so that if I lose my focus again, I can remember this truth and be happy again.

I have a testimony that the conference addresses given each six months contain the answer to whatever trial you're facing. I don't know how He does it, but Heavenly Father fills those twelve hours of talks with something that will bless each of His children who will listen, with whatever they face the incoming months. And, in terms of my new world view (in other words, repentance), I am SO grateful to know that no matter what comes in my life, I have a sure and steady guide in the prophets to help me personally, though I will probably never sit down to counsel with them personally. I'm so grateful for that assurance. I invite you to utilize that blessing daily: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/

Spiritual Food Pyramid

Dear blogitos:

My musical palate is tuned to this music - it is the grains section in my musical food pyramid because it's filling and it's SO good for me! Because, even after a few hours of listening to my "weekday" music (like Coldplay and Jack Johnson) I get drained and it always makes me feel like I just ate thirteen bags of Oreos and two bags of marshmallows (and there's plenty of music out there I can't even try to digest, like hard rock and heavy metal - pun intended). Honestly though, there is a lot of gross music out there that is so harmful to us that it's not even on the pyramid - it's in the haz mat container.

So! Here's the best of the best of the best that I've found in 8,293 days of life! Anyone have any recommendations for other good music? Because..."if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." (Article of Faith 13)

Rob Gardner - Lamb of God album (especially Finale - Here is Hope)
Kurt Bestor - Prayer of the Children (classic)
Mindy Gledhill - Sum of Grace album
Jon Schmidt
Mormon Tabernacle Choir (classic)
Steven Sharp Nelson
Jenny Oaks Baker (especially Gabriel's Oboe - it is music from the celestial kingdom, I tell you!)
Especially for Youth albums (especially 2004 and 2008-2012)
William Joseph - Be Still album
Michael McLean - The Forgotten Carols album
Katherine Nelson
Kalai - The Pauper's Hymnal album
Kenneth Cope - All About You album
Paul Cardall - Variations on a Sacred Theme album; Count Thou Fount
https://www.lds.org/youth/music?lang=eng (free downloads) - Strength Beyond My Own; Arise

This music has been a huge fire in my spirituality. After listening to any of these songs, I feel spiritually fed, called to a higher peak. Come! Partake!

Life happens fast...

NEVER ALONE

Remember my last post?

Here's another testimony of it. :)

"By the grace of God I am what I am."

Thirty-eight years.

Can you imagine having a disability for that long? That's almost twice as long as I've been alive. To live my life twice over with a weakness hovering over me every day is painful to imagine.

That's how long the man at the pool of Bethesda lived with his infirmity.

I wonder how he felt each morning as he awoke. Did he feel hope that today someone would help him make it down to the pool in time? At some point did he despair, realizing he may never make it down?

Then one day Christ came. I wonder if on this day the man knew that his struggle was about to be lifted forever.

"When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.

Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.

And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked". (John 5:6-9)

This man had gone to the world for help - he had received none. Then, within the time it took to speak those seven miraculous words, he took up his bed and walked. This is the power of grace.

"The main idea of the word [grace] is divine means of help or strength." (Bible Dictionary, "Grace") Another word for grace is the Atonement. Thus, we all need grace in our lives, whether it be to change from bad to good or good to better.

We access this grace through prayer. "Prayer can solve more problems, alleviate more suffering, prevent more transgression, and bring about greater peace and contentment in the human soul than can be obtained in any other way." (President Monson) Prayer is the most powerful tool we have.Whatever you are trying to overcome at the water's side in Bethesda, turn it over to Christ. When everything else has failed you, Christ will never fail you. Pray to be able to overcome your trials. Even if He does not immediately remove them, He will strengthen your back to carry them. He will answer your prayers. I testify of that. I have seen miracles.

If you are praying for answers, He will send answers. If you are praying for help to overcome a bad habit, He will help you, as long as you do your very best to help yourself. If your trials have turned you from Heavenly Father, turn back to Him. I promise that as you do so, you will feel His love and you will be able to understand. If your trials have left you feeling like the half-dead man on the road to Jericho in the parable of the Good Samaritan, pray. Heavenly Father hears your weakest prayers, as long as they are sincere. I can promise you that whatever trial you are facing, Christ will not fail you. You only have to reach out in prayer to access the infinite power of His Atonement.

Wilt thou be made whole?

The 16 Random Tips for a Joyful EFY Experience

Wow. I just finished my week as an EFY counselor. It was beautiful. I love the youth! They brought the life back to me that finals sucked out. EFY always has such a good feeling about it. All those youth being strengthened has a way of bringing the Spirit. EFY definitely showed me some of my weakest spots, but it strengthened me as well, and I miss the people I've met. Memories have the blessing of removing the pains of the moment while golden-ing the good times. I felt completely inadequate this week, but I have learned that if I give up I will never grow. So I will not stop growing. Now that I have a moment to pause, the sadness is sinking in - I will miss this experience, but it has been great! Some things that I learned:
1. I must learn how to project my voice - it's hard to teach if you can't be heard.
2. BE PREPARED. Lessons are much easier that way!
3. Be yourself! The kids need you, not a shabby version of someone you think is better.
4. The kids like firmness, as long as it is done in a kind way.
5. If all else fails, the Golden Rule will apply evermore.
6. Follow the rules! TRUST ME.
7. Try to memorize names and facts as quickly as possible, and use them.
8. Make sure the girls meet up at the same time, or things will start off on the wrong foot.
9. DO NOT GO TO BED AT 3 AM :| If you do, you will be a grumpy counselor and Satan will attack you relentlessly with negativity and passitivity, which does not help your kids draw closer to Christ.
10. In relationships, you get back what you put in. If you don't show your girls love and reach out to them, they will not feel that closeness to you.
11. Put the rowdier kids in charge of helping you - they will step up to the plate and become one of your best tools!
12. Big groups of kids will pair up and move once you start walking. Not before.
13. Obedience is the first law of heaven.
14. The Lord sanctifies us one attribute at a time. Never give up!
15. All in all, remember that your main goal is to bring these kids closer to Christ. If you can help them do that, you have succeeded, no matter what else happens.
16. These kids are incredible. :)

Dragon Hides and Broken Hearts

Dear blogadorians,

Let me first say: I am sorry! My posts have been filled with ramblings and complaints. I can't promise anything in the future (this is my venting arena), but I am now conscious that someday, somewhere, someone could be reading this!

Looking back to my past blogs, I see that I tried SO HARD to change! Post-it notes for every smile I tacked on? Really?

Want to know something? Since those efforts, I haven't fallen in love with running. I still go to bed at 1 am. I still have a hard time looking at the bright side of life.

BUT! If you buy eight completos! I've (re)realized that every attempt of every day and every goal and every ounce of self-discipline won't change me! (Please keep reading.)

A visual (not drawn to scale):

GOD

















|
|
ME

I'll never make it, I say! Welp, guess what. Christ changes what I can't. Ever read the Voyage of the Dawn Treader? Of course you have, it's a classic! Eustace, the complaining English boy on a magical boat, gets turned into a dragon. I am Eustace. I scratch and scratch at my unfashionable dragon hide - it feels good. "I'm getting somewhere!" I yell in Dragon. False. Now I'm just a distraught, tired dragon. Then, the Master comes. He can help me. After some reluctance, I allow Him to. He pierces me to my very heart - it hurts more than anything I've felt before - but only for a moment. I am changed. Though I would scratch at that natural man for a thousand years, I could not do it alone.

I promise you this much - we cannot change alone. Please let Christ make you into who you hope to be. I don't have many years to my name, but with the experiences I have had, I know that He, and only He, can change you. All He needs is for you to let Him.

Babies

I am obsessed with two new songs: Every Teardrop is a Waterfall by Coldplay (it's going to be my official summer song) and Kolnidur by Jonsi (he's Icelandic - actually, this song is the one on the video above this post!).

Also, if you are interested in spicing up your writing, look into Writing with Style by John Trimble. It's a short book, but it packs a powerful punch, with super fresh and useful information on how to write, including serving your reader and making every word heavy with meaning.

Also...I'm obsessed with Harry Potter? Really, if the celestial kingdom is anything like Hogwarts, I am so there! haha. Ugh. The landscape is so beautiful in it. HARRY POTTER'S REAL, OKAY?!

(best line of all the series) "Grab my hand!"

"I can't, it's all sweaty!"

Hey, I was going to say! Did any of you two notice the influence of women in the series? Harry's mum's love stopped (You Know Who), made Snape protect Harry for years, etc. etc. It put water in my eyes...weird...

Well, it's Memorial Day! I invite you to bless the lives of those who have given theirs to bless ours by indexing - the only addiction approved by the Church! :D

Baby Cakes!

"Life isn't about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself." -George Albert Shaw

What a refreshing thought!

This manual is great. :)