Trials and Triumphs

Can I just tell you how blessed I am? It almost makes me feel guilty! There is so much that Heavenly Father has given to me. I hope I can show my gratitude a bit better through service. Today I’m grateful for prayer. Oh how incredible it is. My life is ten times easier by calling upon my Savior for relief, even in little things. I’m trying to learn to remember to pray for help in changing (that was a lot of conjunctions in one independent clause!). I can testify that we cannot change, truly change, without the Savior. He can change our very hearts and desires. Ask, seek, knock.

I want to tell you about my Savior; that "we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ”.

Last week, I went to the temple. Going to the temple blesses you, simple as that. In the temple, it came to me that I needed to give more time to God. So that night I asked my roommate if I could steal the room for a while. I wasn’t feeling the Spirit, so I cleaned up the room, prayed, and felt like I should watch a few EFY videos. As I did, I realized that I had been empty inside for quite a while, trying to fill the void with all sorts of distractions. I had gotten stuck “in the thick of the thin of things”. I had forgotten Christ.

I watched two videos. The first were stories from three people who had slipped and fallen, and been saved by Christ – one of the people was a guy who had been spiritually coasting. I felt like that guy. If spirituality were food, I was starving myself. I was in a bad condition spiritually, and I was scared as to how tight my grip on the iron rod actually was.

The second video was a survey among nonmembers, asking them if they believed people could really change. Without exception, they said no. The interviews turned to members; they said yes, with something extra added: we can only change through Christ. A video of President Eyring came on. As he bore his testimony his voice broke with emotion. At that point, my hardened heart broke. I needed Christ so much. With sincerity, I pled in prayer for my Savior to save me.

For one of the first times in my life, I recognized His love for me. He comforted me; I could almost imagine Him comforting me as I cried in His arms. “Just want to know You’re going to hold me if I start to cry.” (Mindy Gledhill) It was an incredible moment. I finally saw Christ’s true nature. I had always imagined that when I met my Savior it would be a new feeling. It wasn’t. It was a familiar feeling; I’ve felt that love before. It’s the love my mum has for me. That’s my Savior’s love.

As I looked at paintings of Christ later that night, there was a feeling. It was love for my Savior, and it was sweet and warm. I really do love my Savior. I’m finally remembering Who He is. He loves, not condemns, as I always perceived Him. I’m trying to keep the commandments now because I love Him, not because of fear.

My roommate was to give the lesson in Relief Society a few days after this experience, so she was practicing it with me. I felt that love for Christ again as I watched a video filled with paintings of Him, set to “Come Thou Fount”. As she gave her lesson on Sunday, she gave time for testimonies. After my experience, I could not let the opportunity pass. I was crying already, but once I got up there, I was so overcome with emotion that I couldn’t even speak for probably ten seconds. At fast and testimony meeting, my friends got up and testified that God loves us and Christ atoned for our sins. That feeling of warmth came to me again. I love my Savior.

Flash forward a week. I was worried after that incredible experience that I would fall back to my old ways. I was still struggling spiritually, but I now had a testimony of my Savior’s love. I brought it up to Neil, and he gave me such wise counsel. We set up a plan to do certain things. He said that we need to set attainable goals, and when those goals become too routine, make it a bit tougher. He also told me that I can get a blessing whenever I need one. I needed one. J I asked one of my friends if he could give me one. He did, and it was exactly what I needed. It brought me hope that this trial was temporary and that God loves me; it gave me the strength to pray for help. Blessings are incredible. You worthy, humble priesthood holders are incredible. I’m just glad that there is no limit on blessings, because I would have passed it by now!

All in all, all is well. I am stronger and humbled because of this trial. I know my Savior now. Christ got me through this; I did not. I cannot do anything of myself. I worry that I will fall back into my old ways. I hope that I can remember. President Kimball said that the word “remember” is the most important word in the dictionary.

Can I just say? Prayer is so incredible. Did you know that in 3 Nephi 11-20 sixty of the verses are about prayer? Eleven prayers are offered in those chapters. We have a perfect pattern for prayer in there, straight from our Savior! I learn so much in my Book of Mormon class. One quote that I really liked: “Prayer is our personal key to heaven – and the lock is on our side.”

 I think 3 Nephi is becoming my favorite passage in the Book of Mormon. It gives so many answers! I love the scriptures! Lately I’ve been searching the scriptures for answers. They are always in there. The scriptures give me such peace, and when the Spirit is present, it’s like God is speaking to me. So much to glean!

One wise brother told me that trials in our lives are like walls. Whenever we come to one we can turn around, away from God, or climb the wall and become closer to God. Every trial helps us grow if we turn to God. We cannot do it alone!!!

Lastly, gratitude changes your entire world. You are instantly happier and a smile comes so easily on your face! I am trying to learn that lesson.

"Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise."
~George Herbert

I’m so grateful for all my loved ones right now. They got me through a rough time, as tools in the Lord’s hands.