Off Season

Okay, like seriously? I still miss this summer so much. More than I did before. Will I ever get over it? Maybe not. It was the most spiritual time of my life. Erm. What am I trying to say? One of my friends is just so good at loving every person she sees! I want to be more like her. Lately though, I've been feeling so powerless towards my weaknesses. Kind of like I'm stuck in these habits. Alright, we're trying meekness in affliction here. So, some things can be so different! One of my closest friends has completely changed, it seems, and I don't know how to help him. Do I be his friend? Does he need his space? Do I make his life harder? I know what I should do, but...I still don't do it. It's one of the things I think over every day. Can I just go on a drive to Legacy highway right now, figure things out? Can I just drive back to some of my very most favorite memories right now? Pretty please? I feel so caught up in routine. I don't want to complain. Right now, I'm in a fruitful stage of life, and I'm so grateful for it! However, I've become prideful and because of it, lost some of my self-respect. I feel like I've lost the drive for service, become selfish. I feel more like the natural man right now. I've lost some diligence in areas like piano and running; however, I will never, ever stop reading my scriptures and praying. I feel like I've become too busy for God, too weak to overcome my weaknesses. I'm becoming numb of feeling, happiness is weak and fleeting. I feel like God and my Savior are disappointed in me, and it hurts. Satan tries to tell me that they don't love me because I'm human. What a lie! I feel like I've forgotten my Savior. And let me tell you, it is an unsettling feeling, void of peace. I need help but I don't know how. I need the temple so much right now. Satan keeps pounding away at my armor in the weakest parts of my character, and I need another layer. My confidence has become worldly, based on worldly things. God has blessed me and I have grown prideful. I feel too lazy to seriously try humility. Oh man, what a workout this life can be sometimes! God did not send me down here to fail. Ahh! I miss it so much. More than I've ever missed anything in my life. What I wouldn't give to have it back. What I wouldn't give.