Off Season

Okay, like seriously? I still miss this summer so much. More than I did before. Will I ever get over it? Maybe not. It was the most spiritual time of my life. Erm. What am I trying to say? One of my friends is just so good at loving every person she sees! I want to be more like her. Lately though, I've been feeling so powerless towards my weaknesses. Kind of like I'm stuck in these habits. Alright, we're trying meekness in affliction here. So, some things can be so different! One of my closest friends has completely changed, it seems, and I don't know how to help him. Do I be his friend? Does he need his space? Do I make his life harder? I know what I should do, but...I still don't do it. It's one of the things I think over every day. Can I just go on a drive to Legacy highway right now, figure things out? Can I just drive back to some of my very most favorite memories right now? Pretty please? I feel so caught up in routine. I don't want to complain. Right now, I'm in a fruitful stage of life, and I'm so grateful for it! However, I've become prideful and because of it, lost some of my self-respect. I feel like I've lost the drive for service, become selfish. I feel more like the natural man right now. I've lost some diligence in areas like piano and running; however, I will never, ever stop reading my scriptures and praying. I feel like I've become too busy for God, too weak to overcome my weaknesses. I'm becoming numb of feeling, happiness is weak and fleeting. I feel like God and my Savior are disappointed in me, and it hurts. Satan tries to tell me that they don't love me because I'm human. What a lie! I feel like I've forgotten my Savior. And let me tell you, it is an unsettling feeling, void of peace. I need help but I don't know how. I need the temple so much right now. Satan keeps pounding away at my armor in the weakest parts of my character, and I need another layer. My confidence has become worldly, based on worldly things. God has blessed me and I have grown prideful. I feel too lazy to seriously try humility. Oh man, what a workout this life can be sometimes! God did not send me down here to fail. Ahh! I miss it so much. More than I've ever missed anything in my life. What I wouldn't give to have it back. What I wouldn't give.

Mmm.

Owl City always makes my heart twinge a little bit. A pain born of the memories, but worth the memories.

Pants on the Ground

"Lookin' like a fool witcho pants on the ground!"

That is all.

My Family Can Be Together Forever

At the end of my life, I wouldn't regret that I didn't spend more time doing the urgent things. If I regret anything, it would be that I didn't spend more time on my closest relationships. And I refuse to have regrets! This subject is especially tender since I'm moving on to college in a few months. It's the saddest thing to think that I won't live with my family anymore (unless of course, I turn into hobo...not looking like a future goal of mine). Mum and Dad have sacrificed so much to give other people's children a better future. It hurts me to see my mum thinking she isn't a good mother because she gives so much of her time to serve others instead of her family. She doesn't realize that she's the greatest earthly mother ever! Bless her!

This year, own family theme is family unity, and to keep the momentum, we have a whiteboard we fill with individual and family goals for the week, as well as the family theme, a weekly quote about family, a "help a brotha out" list, an informal prayer roll, the schedule of when Dad is home from flying, any progress we have with our goals throughout the week, and the occasional owl doodle.

My family is more important than good grades, more important than friends, more important than church callings, more important than service projects. Don't get me wrong! I need all those other things - they're essential to life, they bring me joy, but they are not the most important. If homework, hanging out, or Young Women's handouts are keeping me from being close to my family, I need to have a sit-down session with myself! My life's goal is to get my family (present and future) back to Heavenly Dad. No other goal, no matter how valiant it may be, will distract me from that. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to spend every Saturday night with my family. All things in moderation! What I'm saying is that those family duties cannot get crowded out of my life. Just because Family Home Evening may not be urgent does not take away from the fact that it is important, Susannah! What can I sacrifice from my life to become closer to my family? Has texting distanced me from Mum? Can Neil and I hang out instead of both being on Facebook? Can I come straight home to do my homework so I'll have time to be with Dad? Can I make Alastair laugh so hard that he can't use his arms to get off the ground? (The answer is yes, yes I can. haha)

Man, I am so grateful that I have the chance to spend eternity with my family! How boring would it be if I was the only one saying "Ahh who!" or making snelephant noises? Who would I give hugs to?! Bottom line: I love my family. :) We're all getting back to heaven together and nothing will stop us.

The Present Has Past in the Future

Mmm. I needed to create...and I figured Facebook was inadequate, not to mention a HUGE distraction to...anything of real importance. haha

Okay, I'm here! Now what? Oh my gosh, look at those clouds.

EXQUISITE.

Ouch. My heart hurts. It hurt a lot less this time around, but still. High school relationships are stupid, I've realized! And we fall into them because everyone loves to be loved! Man, it takes effort to...not go on Facebook. You could say it's a favorite sin of mine. haha. I know exactly what will happen every time I go on! I will underestimate how long I'll be on there. Sound familiar to anyone else? :D

Mmm, I'm feeling something deeper. I have been so easily distracted lately. Not even from homework, but from what's important. I seem to have forgotten to focus on others. Man, my world is getting way too condensed. I would love to just go drive Legacy Highway right now. Something about traveling changes your perspective. It's like you see that the world is made up of more than just North Ogden pass and Weber High School. haha

Oh man, I miss

summer 2009

so much right now. I miss it every single day. I miss it so much! If I miss summer this much and it was the closest to heaven I've been, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to function right now if I remembered what heaven is really like! Thank heavens for the veil. :)

Mmm. Memories are what I yearn for. Something just came to me. I yearn so much for the past because I don't look to the future. Since I don't know what will happen and it's looking pretty mundane, I'm looking to the past. This girl needs some goals!

“Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

If you don't celebrate the present, you're going to miss the past.