A Word on Self-Worth

Life is hopeful.

Of late I've been learning to love myself and remember who I am. I have always depended on others to tell me of my self-worth, but once I realize that they too are human, I cannot depend on them anymore! Which does not make me love them any less. But, I love books for this reason: they tell me stuff I need to know. :) One book told me that I cannot fully love and appreciate others until I love myself! Which made me realize that the boys I've held dear aren't wrong for me, I just need to realize my self-worth and increase my self-esteem. Poor boys that I've depended on for so much. I'm sorry! haha. This is the part where I realize that loving yourself is not pride, it is respect. It is putting away that false humility to see that I do not need to, and in fact should not, pretend I am less than I am for whatever reason.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

So for my own sake and for the sake of others, I will no longer hide my true self out of fear, especially considering I can think of no one who likes the person I pretend to be more than my true self. Who do I think I am to try to please other people by letting them categorize me like a school lunch?! Blasphemy, I say.

For so long I have tried to increase my confidence in a plethora of ways. Now I see that when I remember who I am, all other aspects of confidence will fall into place, just like driving up a hill is easier to do when the car is in drive instead of neutral.

So, in truth, I write this blog to make my thoughts more tangible and pliable. Almost like a math problem, it's easier for me to figure out my thoughts if they're in front of me.

From now on I'm getting my self-worth from my Heavenly Father and my self-esteem from myself. :) Onward!

The thesis of this essay is that I can count on others for happiness and memories; for many many things, actually! But, when it comes to the fibers of my soul, I cannot give others the undue responsibility of telling me who I am. That's the part where I pray to remember myself, get off my knees, and go find out. :)