This has been a powerhouse week. On Tuesday I finished my papers and submitted them to the bishop! Ahh! So exciting and scary! I'll tell you what, the adversary worked on me really hard that day. I expected it a little bit because my roommate told me that's how it was for her before she left for the mission. She was right! haha. I was filled with doubts and passivity. All from the adversary. Finally, I called my brother about an hour before I had my appointment and he helped me through and broke down the lies the adversary was trying to get me to believe. He likened the First Vision to how I was feeling. He asked what Joseph Smith did when the adversary tried to bind his tongue.
me: "He prayed."
him: "Nope, what did he do?"
me: "He prayed."
him: "Nope, he prayed HARDER and HARDER."
He talked about how the adversary knew this was going to be a good thing and he was trying to stop it, just like he did when Joseph Smith was about to say a prayer that would change the world forever. It was such a good conversation; it strengthened me and helped me see clearly. After that I texted my family and asked if they would all pray for me. They did, and I felt it. My mum, especially. She told me that she had been cross-country skiing at the time and she knelt down and poured out her heart to Heavenly Father and the Savior for me. Mothers' prayers are so powerful and it's making me cry just thinking about it! I know that on my mission those prayers will sustain me.
Another thing that has made this week so good has been the inspiration I've gotten. A few days ago I had the inspiration that if I want my scripture study to be effective, I need to have a purpose for each study session instead of just reading. You'd think I would have thought of that after 20 years of living! But I never had. haha. So I started doing it and my scripture study has become so much richer! I highly highly recommend it to all of you. It will help you love the scriptures! Also, pray before you study, asking to have the Spirit during your study, and ask specifically to be led in your question or purpose for that day's study. I have also come to see the importance of studying the scriptures every day for half an hour (as asked of us by my stake president)! That was quite a stretch from five minutes a day during high school, but I have come to love it, and nothing less is adequate for me now. As my bishop told me once, it takes about 15 minutes to even get into really focusing on studying scriptures! Also, our stake president asked us to study in the morning, because the scriptures give us the Spirit, which we need all day, not just right before we fall asleep! I'm sure there are different circumstances out there for everyone, but scripture study is one of the most important things we can do. Make it a priority and see the Lord bless your life!
So, a few days ago I was discouraged. I felt completely stuck in my ways, like nothing I try to do will change me. So I took that concern to my scripture study. ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL SCRIPTURE STUDIES I HAVE EVER HAD! First I searched through the Topical Guide about change. I was led to Mosiah 5:2. This is right after the Book of Mormon king, King Benjamin, gave his last words of counsel to his people before he passed away. After his powerful words, he asked his people if they believed his words - "And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of
the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually."
So I learned that change is possible, and it comes from the Spirit. I also learned that true change comes from our desires being changed, not just the fruits of our desires, our actions, being changed.
So my next question was "How do I change my desires?"
I learned that this desire to do good comes from faith. Next question: "How do I grow in faith?"
I was somehow led to
a page on lds.org about faith, and one of the headings said "How can I increase my faith?" Heavenly Father was definitely aware of me. This page said to grow in faith requires us to pray for faith, to live the Savior's teachings, and (most important to me that day) studying the scriptures. It quoted Romans 10:17 - "So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
There is was! True change comes from the Spirit and desire. Desire comes from faith. And faith and the Spirit come from studying the scriptures!
Since then, I have tried to spend more time in the scriptures and all the good resources the Church gives us. I have felt the Spirit a lot stronger and I have come to love the scriptures more! I promise you that if you have a purpose to your study and spend more time in the scriptures, you will feel the Spirit more and have a greater desire to do what is right!
