Feb'ry

February

Good

• I found a new blog to love! danicaholdaway.com. I have been reading on it for hours lately. When I find something I like, I tend to suck the marrow out of it...I just love how real and fun she is and that she lives in Orem, so it makes her lifestyle seem more attainable for me! One of the things I've liked the most is that happiness sometimes is just having something to look forward to. I'm trying to work on that, since discouragement kind of closed me off to getting excited about anything, because I don't want to get my hopes up over things that seem so out of my control. But! I'm starting again! This time with Saint Patrick's Day (since holidays make an easy way to look forward to something). She said she tries to plan an outfit, food, and an activity for every holiday. I will Susie d disbelief for now and try it out/try not to overstress about making it perfect.
• I'm starting to exercise against! Honestly, it has been basically a year and a half since I've exercised regularly. I'm definitely seeing the effects. I'm gaining weight, was getting stressed, being low-grade sick basically all the time, feeling unhappy, not sleeping very well. After the first day of exercise (a short walk), I slept so wel, my face was clear the next day, and things have not been stressing me out. I have been amazed to see that such a small act has turned my mood around 180 degrees so fast. I seriously felt overpowered by negative emotions, but now it seems so easy to handle! I'm happy! My teacher told us there are no silver bullets in the health world; but if there were, it would be exercise. I agree with him! T has more benefits than any other single thing I can think of.
• My most exciting discovery has been that decreasing barriers and increasing benefits increase self-efficacy. I have been applying this principle to every goal I have and I'm have been seeing the results that I have been searching for for 24 years. It is amazing and so simple!! I finally feel control in my life and I have seen a lot of success. Last night I had the thought it that at nred to apply this to preparing for marriage.

Bad

• I totally did not plan anything for Valentine's Day and the pressure to have it be perfect and failing got me really frustrated. Zach and I improvized and ending up at Panda Express, which he was happy about! The sad part was his fortune cookie..."A distance romance will begin to appear more promising." On Valentine's Day? For re-re?

On My Mind

• Group projects. My life is one group project this semester and it's crazy. Five classes, five groups. It actually is really nice because the workload goes down a ton and makes assignments a lot less stressful. So, I'm grateful for them, but also wish I was better at my soft skills.

We Need to Seek Purpose, Not Happiness

Mama has often mentioned to me about Man's Search for Meaning, a book by the concentration camp survivor and psychologist Viktor Frankl, and a few days ago I was reading an article and it mentioned it again. I decided it was finally time to read it! It has changed my life, as has the article that led me to read the book! Frankl's whole idea is that man cannot be happy simply by pursuing happiness. To truly be happy and satisfied with our lives, we have to fill a need that is larger than ourselves. The article mentioned that happiness is often focused on getting, while meaning is focused on giving. The article also mentioned that sometimes we can't have all the components of "happiness" when we focus on filling life with meaning (for example, raising children gives great meaning to life, but it can often mean stress and fewer luxuries). However, I know that meaning is deeper and more satisfying than "happiness" (AKA pleasure). Frankl noted that in the concentration camps, he experienced this truth face-to-face. Those who gave up the will to live in those hellish conditions were those who didn't feel that they had something to go back to. Others focused on what they still needed to give to life--to a child or a scientific work, for example--that they alone could fill. He also makes the point that instead of us demanding things from life, we need to see that life (or Heavenly Father, or something bigger than ourselves) demands something of us. We are responsible for what we contribute. This is the path to fulfillment and true, sturdy happiness. I am so excited to change my life!

“To the European, it is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to ‘be happy.’ But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to ‘be happy.’ Once the reason is found, however, one becomes happy automatically. As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation." -Viktor Frankl

I Need Christ in My Life

I was reading Mosiah 17:10 this morning. This is Abinadi's last testimony before he is martyred. He has been bold in his testimony throughout the entire time, proactively calling these wicked men to repent. He says "I will not recall my words." This led me to a train of thought about my own testimony. How can I strengthen it so that I can be as bold as Abinadi, as Paul, as so many of the prophets in the scriptures? I want to work on my testimony of the Savior, and I have been re-realizing that spiritual growth (or any type of growth) normally doesn't come by default. It takes conscious, proactive effort to grow good things. For me, I think it also takes a clear vision of what the end result should look like, to motivate me and help me know when I've succeeded. Some of the specific things I'm going to do to strengthen my testimony are to write down the ways Christ has saved my life, read "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R. Callister, pray for a stronger testimony of it, share it (on here and in person), ask others for their testimonies, and keep a record of the scriptures that testify of it! So this will be my record.

• One of the most practical and meaningful ways that I know that I need Christ in my life is that He has taken away panic attacks from my life. I know that there are a lot of people who have to deal with panic attacks, so I am always excited to share that He helped me through them, and can help them too! I will need to expound on this story later, especially if anyone is interested in knowing more.
• "Wherefore, all mankind were in a lost and in a fallen state, and ever would be save they should rely on this Redeemer." (1 Nephi 1016--Lehi prophesies of Christ)
• "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23)
• "Who can say, I have made my heart clean, I am pure from my sin?" (Proverbs 20:9--We cannot cleanse ourselves from sin without Christ. We also cannot change our hearts or desires without Him.)
• "Surely He has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed." (Mosiah 14:4-5/Isaiah 53:4-5)
• "Surely the most sublime, the lengthiest and most lyrical declaration of the life, death, and atoning sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ is that found in the 53rd chapter of Isaiah, quoted in its entirety in the Book of Mormon by Abinadi as he stood in chains before King Noah" (Elder Holland, Christ and the New Covenant, 89; Book of Mormon Institute Manual, 152)
• "What peace, what comfort this great gift is which comes through the loving grace of Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of all mankind. . . Even though His life was pure and free of sin, He paid the ultimate penalty for sin—yours, mine, and everyone’s who has ever lived. His mental, emotional, and spiritual anguish were so great they caused Him to bleed from every pore (see Luke 22:44; D&C 19:18). And yet Jesus suffered willingly so we might all have the opportunity to be washed clean—through having faith in Him. . . .Without the Atonement of the Lord, none of these blessings would be available to us, and we could not become worthy and prepared to return to dwell in the presence of God” (Elder Ballard, in Conference Report, Apr. 2004, 86–87; or Ensign, May 2004, 84–85; Book of Mormon Institute Manual, 152-153)

Day 4

Goal of the day: memorize more scriptures! This goes along with the Ponderize talk that was so famous this Conference. I read 2 Nephi 4:15--"my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children." So then I thought, I can't teach my children the gospel in a powerful way if I don't know and love the scriptures. I thought about what I could do to love the scriptures more and decided to memorize more of them. I already use Quizlet for my classes, so I figured that I would use it to help me keep track of and memorize more scriptures. Here's the link if anyone wants to join in!

Okay folks, I'm doing a 30-day challenge (AKA until November 21th). I want to have a daily goal from scripture study for a month. This is my third day. My first day was to listen to less Pandora and more Mormon Channel Radio (which has been SO UPLIFTING!). My second day it was to set up some dating rules (which I am still working on, but fully intend to follow through with). Today it's to try to have more dignified speech, in word and thought! Not that it's terrible now, but I want to see what happens if I replace the "dang its" and "shoots" with "oh nos!" and "bothers!" (I'm still trying to find good replacement words...) Also, it just so happens that I have a rubber band bracelet on my wrist...I'm going to use it whenever I catch myself saying those words. I actually did something similar in the MTC--we were supposed to say "elders and sisters" instead of "you guys" (because of the importance of our callings) and it was so hard! But every time I accidentally said it, I would take my shoes off and put them back on. I know, I'm weird. But it worked, I think! So, stay tuned for tomorrow's challenge!

(Also, I have already said "darn it" before I could even post this! And then I said "darn it" because my rubber band bracelet wasn't snapping right! haha. This might be hard...)

How to Improve Your Prayers

The Spirit whispered something important to me about prayer. I realized that I had thought of it as a means to maintain my spiritual status. What Nephi used it for was to help him progress (to have his heart softened, to learn how to build a boat, etc.). Prayer will become more meaningful to me as I use it as a means to ask Heavenly Father what I need to do next to achieve my goals. This is the whole message behind my favorite talk from this Conference! It is "What Lack I Yet?" from Elder Larry R. Lawrence. SO GOOD. Ten minutes well spent. Every step we take towards righteousness will make us happier and happier. I think this was important for me to realize, because often I don't envision myself being happier as I keep more commandments! I normally just envision myself trying to dutifully do it even if I don't want to. But I really am happier whenever I keep another commandment. And that is the way that will encourage us to WANT to keep the commandments. Happiness is a huge incentive--really, it's the reason we do everything we do. Enos hungered AFTER "the joy of the saints...sunk deep into [his] heart." (Enos 1:3)

More insight on how/why to keep the Sabbath day holy!