Dragon Hides and Broken Hearts

Dear blogadorians,

Let me first say: I am sorry! My posts have been filled with ramblings and complaints. I can't promise anything in the future (this is my venting arena), but I am now conscious that someday, somewhere, someone could be reading this!

Looking back to my past blogs, I see that I tried SO HARD to change! Post-it notes for every smile I tacked on? Really?

Want to know something? Since those efforts, I haven't fallen in love with running. I still go to bed at 1 am. I still have a hard time looking at the bright side of life.

BUT! If you buy eight completos! I've (re)realized that every attempt of every day and every goal and every ounce of self-discipline won't change me! (Please keep reading.)

A visual (not drawn to scale):

GOD

















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ME

I'll never make it, I say! Welp, guess what. Christ changes what I can't. Ever read the Voyage of the Dawn Treader? Of course you have, it's a classic! Eustace, the complaining English boy on a magical boat, gets turned into a dragon. I am Eustace. I scratch and scratch at my unfashionable dragon hide - it feels good. "I'm getting somewhere!" I yell in Dragon. False. Now I'm just a distraught, tired dragon. Then, the Master comes. He can help me. After some reluctance, I allow Him to. He pierces me to my very heart - it hurts more than anything I've felt before - but only for a moment. I am changed. Though I would scratch at that natural man for a thousand years, I could not do it alone.

I promise you this much - we cannot change alone. Please let Christ make you into who you hope to be. I don't have many years to my name, but with the experiences I have had, I know that He, and only He, can change you. All He needs is for you to let Him.

Babies

I am obsessed with two new songs: Every Teardrop is a Waterfall by Coldplay (it's going to be my official summer song) and Kolnidur by Jonsi (he's Icelandic - actually, this song is the one on the video above this post!).

Also, if you are interested in spicing up your writing, look into Writing with Style by John Trimble. It's a short book, but it packs a powerful punch, with super fresh and useful information on how to write, including serving your reader and making every word heavy with meaning.

Also...I'm obsessed with Harry Potter? Really, if the celestial kingdom is anything like Hogwarts, I am so there! haha. Ugh. The landscape is so beautiful in it. HARRY POTTER'S REAL, OKAY?!

(best line of all the series) "Grab my hand!"

"I can't, it's all sweaty!"

Hey, I was going to say! Did any of you two notice the influence of women in the series? Harry's mum's love stopped (You Know Who), made Snape protect Harry for years, etc. etc. It put water in my eyes...weird...

Well, it's Memorial Day! I invite you to bless the lives of those who have given theirs to bless ours by indexing - the only addiction approved by the Church! :D

Baby Cakes!

"Life isn't about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself." -George Albert Shaw

What a refreshing thought!

This manual is great. :)

Genealogy, I Am Doing It

HOLY COW THERE IS SO MUCH FAMILY HISTORY TO BE DONE! Tonight I found a GOLD MINE - literally. :| haha. Man! I found at LEAST fifty people! Ancestry.com is the greatest thing that has ever been invented, I am convinced. I am so excited to do all this work! :D :D :D If anyone has any questions...ASK!

Here We Are

Welp, it's only been like FIVE MILLION YEARS! I seem to only get on blogger when I deactivate Facebook...haha. I'm back in college, after being in Ecuador for six months! It is really weird...I have a different perspective now, and it is a lot easier for me to see how INCREDIBLY blessed I am. My roommates are the best, from last fall semester! I am looking into being an occupational therapy assistant. We will see! I will tell more about Ecuador later. In a word, it was: CHEVERE. :) If you know espanol you will understand.

For All Those Who May Be Discouraged

In a word, all of us at some point or other.

http://lds.org/pages/lifting-burdens?lang=eng

Thanks Shayli. :)

The Truth

Have any of the two of you absolutely known before that God wants you to do something? I have, in ways that are almost comically clear, known that He has something in mind for me. Last summer I visited England with my family, and in the middle of the night the Spirit planted a seed in my mind about staying in England. It was scary at first! I went back home with my family, but then one Sunday at church I felt the Spirit, and it whispered again "You need to go back." The funny thing was that I felt like all the hymns I heard that day were "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go", etc. An extra prod, I'm sure. :) So I did go back, even though it was irrational and expensive and was hard on me to be away from my family and not know the purpose of this second trip. But I grew in that time. I felt more homesick and lonely than I have ever before in my life, and I learned that I could actually hop the pond solo. God even took away the desire that used to be so strong to waste my life on Facebook. I thought that was the reason I went to England again. And those reasons were, partly. I even guessed that this trip was a step towards something even bigger. It was. :)

Ecuador is that bigger something. And something tells me that this trip is just another step towards something even bigger...But again, the Spirit whispered to me. Can I just say that it is not worth it to try to avoid the Spirit's promptings? It really is not. I have been wondering in the deep recesses of my mind if I should go for longer than six weeks to Ecuador. And it has been hard to tell. As I've mentally wrestled this option out before God, I've come to realize that relief is different than peace. A part of me wants to only go for six weeks. But I was trying to find the truth. Honestly, both seemed like good options. But one night after praying again, I felt like six weeks was more logical. So that was my plan. But, if we honestly don't know what to do in a situation and try to choose the best we can and it's wrong, God will let us know. Last night, at an FHE activity with my singles ward, I talked to a friend of mine who has done multiple humanitarian trips. I told her of my dilemma. She changed my entire decision. :) As my friend told me yesterday, school will always be there. This opportunity may not be. And this seems like the perfect time in my life. I've seen a bit of what college is like, I'm not so far into schooling that I can't defer a semester, and did I mention I'm super nervous? haha. This is seriously going to be the greatest part of my life so far. As I was driving home after talking to my friend yesterday, I felt such incredible peace. Before, I had relief. But I felt a bit like I was always on guard, just in case the Spirit would whisper the truth. But now, I'm not worried. Unless the Spirit asks me to stay for even longer. haha. His will be done, I guess! :)

What have been some times in your life when you have known without a doubt the path that God wants you to take?