Testimony

So, I had an idea. I love ideas. :) I had the idea that during each fast and testimony meeting I would write my testimony down. So now I'd like to transfer that idea to here, and I can write a little bit more about how my testimony came/was strengthened. And maybe I'll throw in little insights that have come during the month.

-My testimony of Heavenly Father being able to help me reach my goals and guide my life was strengthened this month. I have been praying and praying that I could strengthen my sense of self-worth, and I noticed over and over that affirmations were being brought up. I know Heavenly Father has been telling me that's the answer, and as I've been applying that, I have reached a greater level of sustained excitement and hope than ever before! And you know what? Heavenly Father loves that. He LOVES to see me happy. Also, during the Women's Broadcast last night the thought came to me that Heavenly Father loves to see His daughters confident.

-I know that President Monson is our living prophet. Some people are quick to point out that prophets are not perfect. It is a fallacy to expect them to be. But, the structure of the Church is designed by a perfect God, and part of His plan is for imperfect, righteous men to guide us. And it doesn't come as a surprise to Him. And anyways, even though President Monson is not perfect, he is WAY closer to perfection than I am. So there. :) During the General Women's Broadcast last night, I noticed that he is growing older, a bit smaller. As part of one of the talks, they played a clip of him speaking when he was younger and stronger. And the thought came to me: he is still as much a prophet today as he ever was, and nothing will change that. I LOVE PRESIDENT MONSON!

-Along the same lines, I know that Joseph Smith is the Prophet of the Restoration. The other day I finally recorded myself giving his testimony like Elder Andersen asked us to. A few days later, a friend we have who has been struggling with his testimony of Joseph Smith was telling us things that have concerned him. I am so grateful that I felt prompted to follow Elder Andersen's advice, because I feel like it strengthened me for that. I know that Joseph Smith did see Heavenly Father and the Savior in the Sacred Grove. I know that he is a prophet, called by a perfect God. I know that in cases where things maybe don't add up for people, everything will be understood one day, even if it's in the next life. As Elder Holland says so powerfully (as he always does!): " In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited. When those [troubling] moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes...In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know...So be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we." I love Elder Holland. :) And I love the Prophet Joseph Smith!

-"We don't need to wait until we die to go to heaven; we just need to go to the temple" (Elder Groberg, "Of Refuge and Reality"). I got to go to the DC temple yesterday, and it was so powerful and peaceful. On the drive there I tried to change my mindset to thinking that we were driving to heaven for the day. I think that the long drive makes me recognize the power of the temple even more. There is a certain peace that comes to me from even just the familiarity of the words spoken in the ordinances - they are constant, and that has almost a lulling, calming effect on me. I don't know how to describe it. I am so grateful for the temple and the protection that comes from attending. As President Hinckley has said, "Every time you come to the temple, you will be a better man or woman when you leave than you were when you came."

Sheer Exultation

Do you want to be happy - nay, EXULTANT - for the next five minutes?

Listen to "Hosanna (Thy Savior Hath Come)" in the Lamb of God album by Rob Gardner! It is one of the happiest songs I have ever heard! And the message is so incredible! And true!

"Hosanna! Hosanna! Thy Savior hath come, O Israel,
And blessed He'll ever be called!
Hosanna! Hosanna! Sing praises to God,
For our Hope, our Deliv'rer, our All!"

"they had been taught by their mothers" -Alma 56:47

My children deserve a mother who has a strong testimony and who is spiritually unshakeable. They are going to need it in the world they'll grow up in. That being said, now is not the time to slack off. Now is the time to prepare myself for the most important and far-reaching calling I will ever have. It is time to up my game.

So, I'll (hopefully) be updating this post a lot. I've got some time, but I've been thinking a lot about how I need to prepare for motherhood, because it's the most important thing I will ever do. I've been trying to improve myself to be a better mother lately. I'm sure there will be a lot of opportunities to say "it's not the end of the world" when I have kids - like when they drop a whole carton of eggs or cut up one of my shirts or stuff the cat into the microwave. So I've been practicing that lately in moments where I could get a little flustered, and it has helped me be so much more relaxed! It's been a huge blessing. (For the record, as I'm feeling its effects right now, it's much easier to be able to think this way when I get enough sleep.)

Okay! So! What I wanted to do here is to write down all the things I want to make sure my children know. It doesn't matter if I fill all the other "motherly" duties if I don't teach them the gospel in a sincere way. So here are the things I want them to know, or things I want to remember, etc.

-"Moroni 7:48 teaches how charity will come to a person who is continually praying “with all the energy of heart,” meaning they want it more than anything else. This fervency of prayer will bring results when praying for other issues as well. President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) taught that the fervency of our prayers will affect our families: “In our family circles, our children will learn how to talk to their Heavenly Father by listening to their parents. They will soon see how heartfelt and honest our prayers are. If our prayers are hurried, even tending to be thoughtless ritual, they will see this also. Better that we do in our families and in private as Mormon pleaded, ‘Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart.’ (Moro. 7:48.)” (“Pray Always,” Ensign, Oct. 1981, 4)." -Book of Mormon Institute Manual

-There is INCREDIBLE power in positive affirmations. We tell ourselves things all the time, hardly aware that by so doing, we are creating things spiritually so they can be created physically. It is so important what you tell yourself - it will shape your very life.

-"[Prayer can] solve more problems, alleviate more suffering, prevent more transgression, and bring about greater peace and contentment in the human soul than could be obtained in any other way." (President Monson, https://www.lds.org/ensign/2009/03/come-unto-him-in-prayer-and-faith?lang=eng) Heavenly Father answers prayers! Especially when they're specific. It strengthens your testimony to know that Heavenly Father is aware of you when you see your little prayers answered all around you.

-Think of the scriptures as a measuring stick - while you study, ask yourself questions that apply to what you read, like "Do I understand how important the sacrament is?" or "How can I pray always?" or "If this life is the time to prepare to meet God, what do I need to do to be prepared to see Him again?" - this is how scriptures become the iron rod for us.

-"If you have felt the influence of the Holy Ghost during this day...you may take it as evidence that the Atonement is working in your life." (President Eyring, http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1622) And I believe that if we can have the constant companionship of the cleansing Holy Ghost (Who is a member of the Godhead), we can feel comfortable in the presence of Heavenly Father and Christ.

-Make sure your actions are fulfilling the purposes you seek. That requires that you first define your purposes, and then think and pray about which actions would fulfill those purposes the best. Otherwise you can spend a lot of time going through the motions.

-You care about the things you put effort into. You spend your free time thinking about the things you put your time and actions into. If you want to change your desires, change your actions and thoughts.

-Make sure you know your standards, and make sure others know your standards!

-You will not be successful without Heavenly Father's help. Because He is omniscient, He knows exactly what you need to do to succeed, so ask Him!

-Your thoughts are made up of what you watch and listen to, so be so careful what media you watch! It will affect your standards, whether you believe it or not. It's like chicken in a marinade; even if it wills it otherwise, it can't help but be affected by its surroundings. You can control your surroundings. You can't control how your surroundings influence you.

-You only overcome your fears by facing them; otherwise, they just grow bigger.

-*Put a picture of the temple above your baby's crib.

-*Use everyday opportunities to teach your children. There are a lot more informal teaching opportunities than formal, and that is how Christ taught many times.

-It is so crucial to study the scriptures daily, pray daily, and attend church weekly. Anything less is letting go of the iron rod.

-Never ever label anyone! Those labels can stick with that person for a very long time and be a huge stumbling block in their lives.

-Getting enough sleep is so important. It becomes a lot harder to have the willpower we need or the Spirit as strongly if our body is weak from lack of sleep. (Evident by the fact that I'm running on low sleep and just tried to spell "weak" with two e's.) Also, your diet does influence how clearly you feel the Spirit! I felt this on my mission as I experimented with eating a salad every day for a month. I could see a difference in how perceptive I was to the Spirit.

-A prophet's promise about family history: "I promise you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives." (Elder Bednar, https://www.lds.org/ensign/2009/03/come-unto-him-in-prayer-and-faith?lang=eng) I truly believe that if we will help our ancestors on the other side, they will help us. Family history is so powerful that it can even help people overcome addictions. In the words of a man who had a debilitating addiction, "I just don't feel like doing anything wrong when [I do family history]. [It] brought the availability of Spirit almost at will."
("Redeeming the Dead Redeemed Me," https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-06-01-redeeming-the-dead-redeemed-me?lang=eng)

-If something isn't working one way, try a different way. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results" (Albert Einstein) is very much a truth.

I'm Crying and I Like It

Bloggy, I always come to you when I need to vent my feelings. And that's what I need to do right now. Right now, I'm grateful for loneliness. I'm grateful, because it draws me closer to Him, and if we're being completely honest, sometimes it's hard to turn to Him when you feel like you have sufficient. And so I'm not completely pulling away from the loneliness - partially because I don't feel like there's anyone I can totally lean on here at present. And therein lies the blessing, because then I turn to Heavenly Father like I'm supposed to. And I don't want to lose that. And it's worth it. And I want to be so much closer to Him! And I'm crying! And I'm lonely! And I love it! And I don't want to lose it! But it's still hard sometimes. I'm going to watch "Because of Him" again. Even though that's why I'm crying in the first place. And I like it. haha

Happy Happy Joy Joy

These last few days I have been hungry to strengthen my relationship with Heavenly Father - for Him to become my Best Friend. I feel like my prayers need MAJOR improvement, so I have felt like I need to start by giving Heavenly Father a set amount of time in the morning and at night where I can just talk to Him and not be in a rush. I realized we set an amount of time for scripture study, so why not for prayer? Already it has brought me so much closer to Him. I had the happiest moment ever today where I just felt close to Him. It snowed a lot here today and my shoes did not have very good grip. I was taking the hill back down to our house and I prayed that Heavenly Father would help me get down in one piece. Well, I slipped, landed right on my behind, and started sliding. And laughing. And sliding. And I went for a good ten feet! And then I stopped, tried to get up, at said, "Ahh, what the heck, it'll probably be less treacherous this way!" and just scooted along til I started sliding again, laughing all the way down. I landed safely in the perfect spot right at the bottom of the hill like I was three years old and Heavenly Father had just put me on this perfect little snow slide and gave me a little push and guided that little behind all the way down the hill. :) Thinking about it now just makes me smile! My tender mercy of the day. So sweet!

And another thought. I have the seeds of divinity in me. I am Heavenly Father's daughter, so I have inherited His traits, even if for now they are dormant. In terms of worth, it is not a matter of WHO I am (the attributes I may or may not have), but WHOSE I am. That is a worth that cannot be changed. Happy thoughts. Love love :)

Love Love

Dear Self, I want to be in love with you. Not in a narcissistic way, of course. But enough is enough! I feel like I've actually been doing so much better at not getting mad at myself for mistakes. So I have progressed SO MUCH. But now. NOW. I want to LOVE myself. And by that, I mean I want to be comfortable in myself and not have to seek approval from others, especially guys. Logically, it makes no sense that THEY would be the ones who hold the key to making me feel enough. And honestly, even they can't. I could get a little bit of approval, but I'm never filled. I seek more and more, but the truth of the matter is, you can never get enough of the things you don't need. (Not that as humans we don't need approval, but we do need to be independent of needing to rely on others for all of that approval) And if my mama says I'm great and I don't believe her and my friends say I'm great and I don't believe them, what makes me think that when my husband says I'm great that I'll believe HIM? I want to love myself. And come to find out, my roommate has been praying that I would want that! So, prayers are answered, folks. Prayers are answered.

Christmas

Dear bloggy: Long time no type! I went on a mission. :) I want to keep up a lot of things from my mission, including helping others! And I figure that you can help me to do that. I'm going to try to regularly post strengthening things. Hopefully it will last - I can already foresee a few obstacles...like homework. Pish posh, we'll make it work. So, for my first post!

This Christmas video. It will make you cry. It made me cry! It is so powerful. Lately I've been trying to really make sure the things I do are actually helping me to accomplish the purpose I've striving for. I want to BE where I am, be more sincere in everything I do. I think one way I need to do that is with Christmastime. It has become really commercialized and the world seems to have largely taken Christ out of Christmas. So. I want to deliberately do things that will put Him back in.

A question my mama asks us each Christmas changed my life: what are you going to give Christ this Christmas? That question literally led me to another continent. I am still trying to figure out my gift to Him this year. I invite you to think about what you will give Him!

(Also, Mormon Tabernacle Choir is so kindly handing out five of their songs [free!] to help us remember Christ. I invite you to download them!)

(Next post: returned missionary handbook!)